How can a lorry

My ammi taught my son lots of things only a grandma can teach. One of them is "I dont have a lorry to carry your sorry"...pretty corky but hi! i'm not getting in my moms way. i once paid for that with my life, i dont have another one to spend so i shut up.

Somewhere in the middle of doing something, taran has an "Aha" moment and asks me...."but mamma, how a lorry carry sorry, arent they a persons words?"

Precious my darling, exactly my point. I'm glad you figured it out....but in all seriousness i love when things click in kids heads and they just blurt it out. 

Field trip lunch bag

This is my art work, from summer of 2012, taran's summer camp. On his field trip day, i'd do some silly drawing of the theme of that field trip on his brown lunch bag. His teachers miss megan and miss erin, would always look forward to my drawings, and taran use to love showing them off to his friends.... i dont think he'll ever know the love i have for him. 

My son teaches me to express and show love in simple ways, that i feel is too much for my image. He cracks the tough exterior so effortlessly that i wonder why do i chose to behave a certain way in some situations. 

A weekend in september

I had so much to say, when i came here to write, i realized i have to plan for my shona's bday soon. Then my mind drifted to a high pace of thoughts, who to invite, where to host, invitation cards etc. i frantically ran around to place a notebook to pen down names, searched for my phone (god knows where is it); while searching for it, as i'm heading into each room on the first floor, my mind was boggled more by half done jobs, folded laundry calling out to be put back in shelf, my clothes from last night strewn across casually in the room, my watch and earrings on the counter....the lazy sunday morning feeling in me is being stubborn to say, "not to touch a thing except for looking for the phone".....buss...enough...this is not important, except the following...

My bday was a blast, ammi kick started it on friday nite, we went shopping to KOP, she treated me to ring that i didnt need, a green blouse that we bth loved. Came home to V trying to calm Tania down. At the ring of twelve the childlike expression on my mom's facce to make it celebratory for me, she made me cut the left over pineapple pie we made two days ago, gave me a card, hugs, kisses, blessings! But that expression on her face was priceless!!!

Sat was fab....like a perfect day, it fit like a glove. Ammi made vada's, relaxed until late afternoon and headed to kati roll ( a small joint opened recently); as we were heading to bowling place, i was surprised to know all my doll friends were heading here to spend the day with me, i feel so touched when that happens, more than a surprise. I felt blessed.

Bank it on!

Oh my my....

Y'day on mom's persistent insistence i headed to get something out of a locker at my bank. Mind you this is the same bank i worked at for many years, as a Asst. Mgr then moved on to HR. Aaahh...let's not get to that part first.

This is a bank that reminds me of good old pennsylvania country life, slow, steady, strong, nothing changes there, like how a rock solid relation should be.

When i started working there, i was welcomed with open arms by Mary Ann, Sharon, Harriet and mostly by my customers. They just loved me. I'd tell them to do not waste time making a trip to the bank just to find thier balance, get online i'd say and they would. The old people who lost count of thier age, would compliment me on my wild untamed curls, which i hated.

I'd lunch in the quite lunch room and read the daily local news paper and make myself acquainted to the going ons and abouts of the local people's lives, business, traumas, dramas et al.

But the hilarious part was, local dudes would ask me out!!!!

yeah, really.... and maryann woud just wink at me for that, and say- you talk to them, you make them feel impotant you ask them how is it going, and i would be (secretly happy but equally) baffled and say isnt it my job to talk to them.....

this guy who was going to sail a boat in the creeks nearby once headed to the bank just to ask me out, and he was cute too...handsomely cute. the othr time it was the newly graduated guy who was going to a frat party and wanted me in. Aah...i sorely wanted to go to that one, but since i was busy being a wife and all i refused.

But what girl doesnt like the little attention she gets huh! I'm mostly writing this to remind myself of days that were lighter in life, days that bring an instant smile, like the day i left my car keys in the vault and the bank was locked for the longweekend, i think V came to pick me up.

Aah when i atually drove to work (50 miles) on Labor day weekend, when it was in HR at boyertown, it didnt strike me when there were no cars in the parking, i forsome reason thought i ame early, lol! After realising the fact that it was holiday, i dutifully sent an email to my collegues, saying this is what happens if you love your job too much. Earl our HR mgr, loved it, he still makes me an example of work life ;)

The day i left my lights on in the car, and the battery died, the benefits mgr, the guy i disliked came to my rescue, and hemade sure everyone knew about it the next day. I'll go back here in a split of a second...

But Mamma....

Mamma, why do people have kids. No wait, why did you have ME, such as, Taran? ( it was quite funny to hear "such as" from my shona's mouth)

Mamma, what does occupied mean?
(I gave a sentence with an example)

Mamma, what is an example?

Mamma, why do babies talk by crying? Why can't they talk?

Mamma why is Germany so far from America?

( at any enter/ exit signage at doors)
Mamma, Why do people go out from enter?

Mamma, am I born?

Mamma, why are people called human beings?

Mamma, why didn't we go to googles birthday?

Mamma, why do people live on earth?

Mamma, are there people on Mars?

Mamma, why is sun so hot?

I mean there should be something writen somewhere about how smart a mom should be at anwering her sweet darlings questions.

Love you my sweet honey!

Sent from my iPhone

days and nights

It's one of those many days and nights that I lay awake wondering, what..... more so I battle with my demons of loneliness. As I wash the bottles I can't help but feel the wetness on my face.

There are many reasons for today's being low, but mostly I hate the fact that my dad is not around. As I was in the dentists office getting ready to get my tooth pulled, the doc and nurse saw what I felt and asked me if I was crying because of the pain?

As strangers as they are to me I couldn't tell them it's not the pain from my tooth but from my heart. With my eyes closed for the surgical process all I was seeing was my dad squeezing my hand and telling me it'll all be fine, beta, in dr. Sri rams dental office in hyd. I strongly felt what I felt. I missed him because he raised us knowing no pain, he gave us only love, unconditional love. In a way he spoilt us, and raised us to expect the same, which is so far from truth. The warmth, love and comfort I felt at home has not yet been felt again.

I force myself to smile, splash cold water on a September night and head to bed.


Sent from my iPhone

After

After a hair cut, Taran and I hanging out at the Hot breads, waiting for biryani ( start of summer, i think). I love this moment. My shona darling. 

I have started to re-read "Scarlet Feather" by Maeve Binchy, I was getting too tired to go to library to fetch a book from library, too lazy to download one on my kindle, so scoured the books i had and picked my fave, on page 93, hung out with ammi in her room late night and i was reading the book while she was playing sudoku. It was a perfect quite moment, i'll cherish. 

Walk it on!

I just treated myself to this pair of Red dolls...that i totally didnt need and they are super impractical, I ouldnt resist them. As I was walking thru DSW, they literally called out to say, i needed them.

An impulse buy....but what the heck. The heel is so fierce that i can use it as a dagger to hurt someone. But honestly arent they vigorous. Even my mom couldnt hold her temptation and tried my shoes on :) though they are 3 times bigger than her size.

 

Flowers and Lists

Every morning, my day starts with such energy and high, i plan all the things i want to get done, my day seems so full of potential. It feels like i could be on a cloud and just choreograph people in doing what i want :) and the world (my world) would be so perfect with a bling.

Then mid morning happens and reality of the day and the practicality of it dawns on me, and my sore wish, that i can use extra help to get things done, gets stronger and stronger.

I have this rotating list, that for heavens sake, just gets pushed back and back. The realty space it takes in my head is boggling. So now my latest venture is to book myself a kayaking day trip for myself, just me. But now i'm having second thoughts if i should tag ammi along too and do the kayaking dinner trip. As i'm finishing that thought the pending call to dentist clashes with it.

You know it would be better off and more sane if i just picked the phone and finished it. But since i'm a procrastinator, i've learnt to live with my rotating lists and the mistakes i made.

On a lighter, sweeter note, yday in the park,  while Taran and Isha were petting Marcello's dog, chucho, in the middle of that, he ran to me with a wild flower in his hand. I felt so loved...just as my feeling was taking me over, he ran back (to the dog i thought, but no!). he came back with another wild flower in his hand for Isha's mom. I was beaming in my heart with love and pride. My son knows how not to leave a lady without a  flower. muaah meri jaan....

signing off with T's fave song we sing in the car...

Where is it?

I had a whirlwind day, running T for a haircut, errands, taking him to Hot breads for his fave biryani and choclate mousse cake, long stop at barnes and nobles, he made a new friend there, they both made some shooting object looking thing with lego's and were running around.

To make him get out of there, i reluctantly promised him to take him to a park. Now he announces his new friend proudly "i have to go now, i'm going to a park."

That kid: Which park are you going to?

Answering for t, i said: Miller Park.

That kid: Where is it?

I was reluctant to answer, but t politely said "it's next to the hair cut place".

Being persistent, that kid, asked "where is it, where is the hair cut place"

T being T replied "Willer (it was miller) park, is where the hair cut place, and the hair cut place is next to Willer park".

I cracked up, the lady next to me cracked up, she said "well, that doenst help much". T looked at me with such puzzled eyes, as if, why would you all laugh.

signing off with a olden goldie....

Window

this morning, a friends blog, made me smile while drinking chai : )

More so, this slumber i'm in, i detest it, i feel like a part of me is screaming to write, think about what to write, and dishes out words thoughts and everything else that goes with it to write, but i stopped myslef on purpose, not because of obvious reasons, but because i imposed this time off on myself. A dear friends blog made me want to write for kicks, wake me up kinda. During this self imposed time off, for better or worse, i've learnt to accept the place where i'm in my life. Seriously nothing makes sense sometimes, it seems like total chaos in my head, but a boy i love so much his smile comes to my mind, his silly songs, his take on things comes to my mind, and i tolerate everything else.

Anyway, recently i had Drew (my handyman) come in a take care of little things around the house. As a result, i get to enjoy this view outside my window. I just love love love the view of the hanging flowering plant from my window. Reminds me of our vacation in Europe, the city of Bath, everywhere we walked, little pebble lined streets, with these amazing restaurants, welcomed us with flowering pots outside the windows, it absolutely warmed my heart. Since then i had always wanted to have one where i can see one myself, and thanks to Drew, it happened finally 7 yrs later ; )

On another note, if you are not on pinterest, you just might like it if you have a half soul of crafty person inside you. i'm slowly getting reeled into it, i tried one idea already i recycled a small milk carton to water my plants. Loving it! and this will be my second idea, i have my son's rain boots which he'll outgrow very soon, guess what they are going to be now.....cant wait! Welcome me back :)

Source: bettinaholst.blogspot.com via Lone on Pinterest

James Blunt You are beautiful (at gala premios)

Check out this video on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9L_EU-wtt88&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Sent from my iPhone

Bad vs Good

This is the boy that holds my heart in his hand and walks around. The unexpected part is he holds it with such fragility that he humbles me, brings me down on my knees, makes me stronger and weaker at the same time. 

Few days ago, in a moment of weakness i lost my temper and was harsh on him. Within few seconds my senses reasoned with me to see how unfair i was to him, there he was being childish, and here i was being all grown up. I lost the happy medium for few unstable   seconds.

As my reasoning was coming over & my guilt was washing me with my running tears, i just rested my head on his lap, not expecting his response, he understood where i was coming from and he tightly hugged me and he started crying too. 

Amidst all this i asked him to punish mamma since mamma was so baaad. He got upset that i said "Mamma was bad", he said no, mamma's not bad, mamma is nice, mamma is nice. 

I was so ashamed of myself, what good was my being grown up of, there he was a 4yr old, in his life his love is so clear and unbiased, without any expectations. 

I resoluted that i'll use this as my lesson for being a better person (to him, atleast : )

Lost messages...

Many weeks ago, i found a letter in white envelope just soaked in rain near my home. The person inside me who's afraid of lost messages picked it up and tucked it in my jacket. 

Many weeks later, i wore the same jacket and as i tucked my hand in the pocket, what do i find ??? Grrhhh....My guilt shot up so many levels up, i cant explain. 

So i picked a cheerful color envelope and wrote a cheerful note,  accompanied my note with the lost one, I snail mailed it to the person who deserved the letter. 

Now that i've sent it, another thought is haunting me, did i do the right thing, if the original letter was meant for the reader then it would not have lost itself. If someone wanted to sent me a letter then i'd have liked to read it, irrespective of how late the msg comes to me. 

Sweet!

Aag suraj mein hoti hai
Jalna zameen ko padta hai


Mohabbath nigahe karti hai
Tadapna dil ko padta hai.

(heard in a movie and smiled)