Can you figure it ?

I cant seem to get this song out of my head, no point lying in the bed and humming next to a toddler, right, so i got up. Tiptoed down to my living room hoping i wouldnt disturb T....I dont know how he knows when i'm not next to him, within a minute or so instinctively i'll hear him call for me. It has always happened, unfailingly, but each time i still hope i can cheat his dozy radar and get away for few minutes...just as i turn on the stove for my chai.... i hear him say..."mamma, whey aa you?"

I absolutely dig this song...as i was listening to the song with my eyes closed, an image of myself drifted in circles, I was at a door in a white shirt, walking down the stairs, onto the street, past the big oak trees and out of nowhere i was lifted by this giant white cloud........tch tch tch....cant tell u further da, it sounds juvenile, all i can say is, i could feel the rain on my face...each and every drop of it.

At the mark of 6.52....it feels so surreal, feels like extending a hand...

I just stared out the window for the longest time, is it possible, can we be and still not be! No, its not possible, reality is as stark as the bleeding blood, as real as the light at the end of the tunnel. Just getting there scratch free is impossible....we have to learn to live each and every bit of it, the awesome, the beautiful, hurting, loving and sad bits too. We owe to it to ourselves.

No point tiptoeing anymore....lets all make some noise. 

Fair vs Unfair

I dont get it, why cant the "dont ask and dont tell" be repealed. What's big deal...why do people feel so staunchly about this.

I'm reminded of the famous Shakespeare's lines...

If you prick us, do we not bleed?

if you tickle us, do we not laugh? 

if you poison us, do we not die? and 

if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? 

If we are like you in the rest, we will

resemble you in that.

I once worked with a guy, who never mentioned he was a gay, but i knew it somehow. So whenever his boyfriend would call, i'd tease him, wink and tell him...maybe you should get this. As we grew to know each other, which was inevitable as we worked in close proximity, he shared his life stories with me, how they met, how he fought the night before with him, how touched he was when his boyfriend patched things up so sweetly. I even helped them plan a vacation, complete with booking their hotel rooms. Not for once it felt unreal, all i saw was the love in his eyes, his voice, his expressions.....how he would wait for me to talk to him about resolving his concerns. 

As a community, as friends if we can stand by and support people through their life events, happy moments, birthdays, funerals...why should this basic support system be stripped of for the gay communities. That is plain simple wrong, unfair. 

This dont ask dont tell only forges the people to stay in closets, and figure out life from the key holes. Why??

In the same office, there was another guy, whom I never guessed, but he was a gay. Only M knew of it, but it was so sad, this other guy who was also a M, would put a picture of his friend who was girl on his desk to give everyone else an idea that she was his girl friend, as if they are dating. He was clearly in the closet, wanting to get out, but was afraid of being judged. 

Why or what gives people the ascendancy to say that one is more acceptable than the other. Why love of one kind is more acceptable than the other. 

Do we not bleed....do we not laugh...do we not love...

Food for thought

Can indifference be state of mind.... If so how long do these "state of mind(s)" last. Huh....

How do you sort it to the extent that the shadows are not these towers of personalities, but a mere likeness of you....

My continuation of perfect date

Achoo, ogh, ogh...(thats me sneezing, coughing, with a sore throat...)

T: Mamma what are you doing?
I: Just some make up beta...
T: oh!

We got seated at TGIF's, ordered our drinks, suddenly it struck me how the frame sitting opposite to me is a small person's and not an adult, he and i cheered to our drinks, he wanted to follow it up with a hi five, I did.

Somewhere during dinner, one of the songs i listen to all the time on FM, was playing in the restaurant, and T beams "mamma this is your favorite song", i just couldnt..... what can i say, it was amazing how he pays attention, mera baccha...meri jaan.

i was so bummed about my camera, i still am, but the evening w/ t was just getting nicer by the minute. Left a dollar bill with a note.... As we stepped out, the music in the lobby was loud enough for him to pick the rhythm and he started dancing right there, i joined him....it was so fun....but it was funnier just watching him dance and spill his sprite all over.

We then headed back to the beach after dinner, I pulled the windows down and let the ocean breezes aloha us! Did i mention how disappointed i'm abt my camera? humph...

Walked in the moonlight to the sounds of the clashing waves on the boardwalk for quite some time, I was tempted for an ice cream, but i held my temptations very tight!

Aaj subah...i really missed my camera, I sorely wanted to click all that my mind was consuming while we were strolling in the nooks and crannies of the beach town. It's just beautiful....the small town-ness to it, the mosaics, the shirtless builders, surfers...., the hammocks, the tyre swings....brightly laced flowers in the garden bed. If i was a writer, i'd write a novel about the woman who owned a book store on the beach!

I miss it already, I hope i'll get to go there soon... pg 781 ....

on my PL thanks P for this one! (mark of 4:24, :39 - sweet)

T when and if you read this, you are such a joy to my life, our life! Remember that when you absolutely need to perk up yourself, baba.

Is there such a thing

as a perfect date? Ha ha...i just had one today.

(writing this, sitting on the floor of a dark "light-less" room, my life is sleeping in front of me yet, i'm awake in my thoughts wanting to write, kinda hungry too, ammis fruit salad would be great just abt now )

But nothing new there, i got the perfect date at a very hefty price. ammi wants me to enjoy my trip.

Woke up lazily, forgot my jacket, t's sunscreen, his beach toys...but remembered of what i had forgotten in the drive.

Reached Rehoboth, DE...my hotel room is beyond expectations, just tastefully done. Love it, they didnt mind me checking in early. Fed my baby in the room, and started our day of adventure.

After learning how to parallel park from V to pass my dmv test, i never got to put that skill at test until today. YAY, i parallel parked, mucho nicely, bellasimo. Shahrukh would say, aisey choti choti shehro mein badi badi bathien ho jaati hain...na, he said the other way around, but this works for my situation na.

rented a beach chair, newly bought t's beach toys, my sexy straw hat, book in hand, my sandwich in bag, getting ready to lounge in the beach....T makes a headsup to the waters, those two mexican guys pulled him out and i just gave him the look, T understood what it meant.

Next two and half hours in water, runnig, getting washed, due to the hurricane in NC, the water level was very risky, but hi what an awesome weather, enough crowd. Next thing i know i copuldnt see my beach bag, nor any of my stuff around, perplexed i was walking to where my chair should have been...a lady is holding my nikon d90 and was asking me is this yours, i was like yeah....bummer....fuck fuck fuck....its all wet, sand everywhere, fuck, where the hell is my wallet and my phone...mamma....where are you? another lady with all my stuff, apparently due to high tides, the waves just came in too far "in" and they just rescued whatever they got hold of.

I thanked them half heartedly and just shoved them with the wet towel of t's and headed back to waters. We played for so L O N G. It must have built his appetite, he hogged down the pizza and we headed back to the room. Now that i cant even listen to my songs, i'm doing what i love next to it, you. Leave it to me and him, to break stuff.

(end of part 1) my phone and my dear camera are not working....thank god. Que sera sera...darling! 
(me thinking i'll take writing classes to learn how to write less) what says!