Last day of UHS

​My heart is filled with memories and bittersweet. 

My firstborn is fledgling, he is ready to take off, emotionally and physically. He seems to be in a state to can’t wait to start. He’s making the most of his days at HS. Hanging out at Timmy’s, Colin’s, Sam’s. This chapter meant as much to me as it did to him. Tears of my heart and all the villagers it took to raise him will be in his pocket forever- guiding him, loving him and blessing him. I love you munna. The baby I held on day one who felt like he was always with me, the kid i wrapped up and drove to parks and book shops to read, preschool days, elementary school, middle school and high school days al of it flooding in my head to remind me- Ive grown with you and though you drove me crazy - I wouldn’t want it any other way. A part of me will be living its own life elsewhere and I’ll never be entirely complete, just a version of myself with a cherished part away from me. Let the new adventure make way for you. 

Yup

​A trip that crossed the boundaries 

A trip that invited my child into adulthood 

A place that is holding experiences for him 

College visit- Chicago to Urbana

Halloween 2014

Oct 31st, Friday at Taran's school first and then at Tania's school - what a day...I should get pictures of their pumpkins too...had an awesome day with them.

      

Sent from my iPhone

Movie

Last day of summer holidays, day before school re-opens, however you put it, we worked very hard all of us this summer, my work, his summer camp, it was my small thank you, taran and I at movies, watched ninja turtle movie. Very special day for me....

My very own philsospher

Monday morning 11/3/2014: No for once weren't rushing go to work…everything was going as planned, Taran will get dropped at Elena’s house, I’ll drop Minnie J; I’ll pick bagels for work for Tara’s first day back from Disney vacay. Amidst all this, I was looking for that letter from USCIS and couldn't find it. I was sharing with Taran that I wasn't happy that I’m not able to find that letter.

My darling doll – replies, “Mamma, if you are not happy about one thing, you can’t be happy with anything”!!!! Amen to that my love, he got it bang on…its moments like this that he makes me super proud. It was instantaneous, his reply. Good one, my dear, I’ll remember that.

Halloween weekend 2014

End of the year is happening and activities, parties, get togethers, potlucks, they all seem to happen at the same time. This whole weekend was fun, pleasant….loved it. Fri morning, it strted with a party at Taran’s school, helped Mrs. Skalski a little bit, found out at giant they are selling halal chicken, personally thanked the Managers there, lol, they saved us trips to out of town to get decent meat. Fri afternoon, Tania’s parade at her school, omg they were so cute, I didn’t even mind when she threw a tantrum at the school entrance on our way back.

Fri night, went Trick or treating….was so much fun with Tania and Taran together. She started shy, she didn’t understand what was going on, but she got a hang of it soon enough, she kept saying tick or teet, and once she got her candy, she’d say, thank youuuu…people loved hearing her, she didn’t people to give her the candy, she wouldn’t even look at them if they gave her a candy, she had to choose it herself, that was  such a kicker to see, seeing her prance around in her Minnie outfit, eating candy as we got, she ate a good amount of sugar that evening…. Love them so much….taran seems to be outgrowing which is something to think about. He didn’t want to do it with his usual crowd, he chose us, Tania and I, soham, ashi, nishi and Krishav. We were a bunch…hearty bunch….

Sat morning a little touch up, laundry and prepping masala’s, marinating etc, napping, went to neighbors daughter’s first birthday party in the club house. It was perfect….

Sun it worked like a charm, woke up, V fixed simple bfast, I started cooking for the potluck, setting up…etc. Everyone came around 12-12.30 ish and it was fun. Played Mafia, got into fights, yelling at eachother, watching football meanwhile, eating, checking on kids…it was good, aunty (ashi’s mom) lost her eye glasses and we spent good amount of time looking for it.

Around late 4ish everyone left, put lil t to nap, the big T went for extended playdate and V went to DE to buy booze ha ha ha….

Quite evening watching my crime shows, thank you god for giving me a peaceful fun day. Oh wait, especially, thank you god, for letting me receive the letter from UCIS with approval for Ammi’s GC.

What's a perfect day for you!

i had what you call a perfect day....going to school for spring fair, coming home for chai, going to park and playing with my sweet loves and taking that evening shower with cold water....then eating dabelis and kachoris for dinner and as if it couldnt get better, saw chamber of secrets and drove home in the soft cool breeze alone and listening to my fave song tha ti posted in my last post and setting to watch to Gulabi an old telugu movie....i'm feeling good. thank you god, for letting me have this day....xoxoxo, muaah!

 another song that i like the flow of music of these two songs...





loved this movie! 

Joy ride in the elevator, ding ding....

Mamma i want to press no. 3, why did it open, mamma. Mamma say cheese!

(oh the questions, and the things he says)

My shona rascal. Only pic saved on my iphone, oh well. its not abt pictures it abt moments that lead you there to take a picture, right. My blog has become like FB of sorts.

T now thinks he perennially lives very close by to the beach....

This was the trip to reheboth beach when i wrecked my slr nikon.

After

After a hair cut, Taran and I hanging out at the Hot breads, waiting for biryani ( start of summer, i think). I love this moment. My shona darling. 

I have started to re-read "Scarlet Feather" by Maeve Binchy, I was getting too tired to go to library to fetch a book from library, too lazy to download one on my kindle, so scoured the books i had and picked my fave, on page 93, hung out with ammi in her room late night and i was reading the book while she was playing sudoku. It was a perfect quite moment, i'll cherish. 

Bad vs Good

This is the boy that holds my heart in his hand and walks around. The unexpected part is he holds it with such fragility that he humbles me, brings me down on my knees, makes me stronger and weaker at the same time. 

Few days ago, in a moment of weakness i lost my temper and was harsh on him. Within few seconds my senses reasoned with me to see how unfair i was to him, there he was being childish, and here i was being all grown up. I lost the happy medium for few unstable   seconds.

As my reasoning was coming over & my guilt was washing me with my running tears, i just rested my head on his lap, not expecting his response, he understood where i was coming from and he tightly hugged me and he started crying too. 

Amidst all this i asked him to punish mamma since mamma was so baaad. He got upset that i said "Mamma was bad", he said no, mamma's not bad, mamma is nice, mamma is nice. 

I was so ashamed of myself, what good was my being grown up of, there he was a 4yr old, in his life his love is so clear and unbiased, without any expectations. 

I resoluted that i'll use this as my lesson for being a better person (to him, atleast : )

My Art

Everyday when i pack lunch for t, i try to make smiley faces or something that would remind him of me, the other day he gives me his "Ginger" and asked me to make it on the banana. What you think, was i close?

Quick pals

At Snip-its in Exton, T befriended someone much older than him, the wait time was ezy breezy! Apparently the well spoken language is the world of car racing games. I love it, how he approaches people, he has no inhibitions, he just flat out tells them how he feels about stuff they are doing, and the strangers always answer back in such sweet way that its endearing to watch this social dialogue in such dramatic tones.

Kabbadi

in the living room with cars

T and i were getting ready to play kabbadi in the living room and we used his cars as a divider between his side and mine. 

Kabbadi kabbadi kabbadi! it's so much fun that i always win!

Few small and big moments

with T... 

When my neighbor and i were talking in the driveway, he sat so close to her little puppy, letting it lick him, on top of it, he moved around so that the dog could lick him on both his hands :) then he curiously asks me "Why do dogs have eyes, mamma?" with his casual shrug. i felt like squeezing him hard. 

Same day, over pink milk our conv went something like this...

I missed you today my bubba.

T: why mamma, was I lost? (t's face was so full of wonderful cute worry )

Why would you be lost, mera baccha?

T: When something is missing, it's lost mamma!

ha ha...Meri jaan, you are right!

Wouldn't be so cute to say "I lost you, today?". He speaks like such a wise person with transparent thoughts sometimes, it amazes me. 

Me hearties, hope you all "lose" someone close to your heart and yet far in distance. 

Sweet sweethearts

T @ 13 months and Ammi in Eluru.

Welcome Home darling! Welcome home....

When do moms stop??

As i was wrapping up my AM call with my mom, i told her i have to rush as there was a mothers day luncheon picnic at T's school. She was as excited as i was, wanted me to get there on time and says "Zara achey dhang ke kapde pehno" (translated to ....well i dont have the heart to translate).

My jaw just dropped, I'm not a 5th grader anymore and still i get these tidbits slung at me. I frowned "mamma, why did you say that" (in my head, thousand balloons were popping up wondering "I wear good clothes, dont I")

But then she goes on about how i always wear the plain jane clothes. It was my cousins wedding, all were decked out and i chose to have have a dark brown suit stiched with classy neck and well whatever...she thought something was wrong with me, look at luna, she has nice jhumkas on, her pretty green
and white lehenga.

We were at a family friends daughter wedding, i wore a simple yellow and purple kurta pyjama, the only reason i remember is because she fussed over how i could have worn something more dressier.

Ha ha...by god, i love her to pieces, but she can have me in rambles in no time.

I was thinking about all those incidents and more while I chose to wear my pretty green blouse with Express jeans, a simple bracelet. Rushed to McD's got something for myself and t's teachers. Late by 9 mts, i even managed to put some quick makeup on in less than 3 mts in the car. I hope T knows how he good he has ;) I hope i fit my mom's bill of dhang ke kapde, but i know i'll always be the plain jane who chooses clothes from the bottom of the drawer for her. This song was on fm as i was rushing...

Have a well dressed weekend, my sugar plums.

Rocket for a Princess

While growing up, amongst treasure of books as toys, i had oodles of "sketch pens" aka markers in US of A, so no matter what i get for T, i always load up on extra markers for him when i'm at the store for his "out of the blue surprises". He randomly lies on the floor coloring this and that, he's never inside the lines, which is absolutely fine by me.

Castle for Mamma!

One morning, he made a leaning tower of pisa (if you ask me) out of the markers and annouces "oh mamma i made a rocket ship". Like any proud parent would, i expressed my pure sense of joy at his whimsical imagination and continued making his lunch. But then he changed his story by the end of his lunch hour and exclaimed that it was now a castle, "Castle for you mamma!".

I had to give him for that, and gave my undivided Wows and thank yous. Then he pops a belated question - "Mamma are you a princess"....Meri jaan, mera baccha, xoxoxo...i let a cloud of thought float above me which said "Depends who you are asking darling".

Size it up?

From a distance, today i saw a grown daughter hug her much older father with such love in her hold....in that minute I felt a pang of fullness in my arms and the comfort you feel when you rest your head on your dad's shoulder.

In Ajmer, daddy being goofy :)

My dad's presence was all i felt, i could see the freckles on this skin and just as the thought was taking a full circle....I realized how it must have felt like for my dad when i was a kid, when i was all up and gone, would it have been the same way like i feel with T?

All the snapshots of moments of T growing up in his size of hugs in my arms and all the times when i hugged my dad in the decisive moments of my life was flocking to my head. One heartfelt hug can close all the distances we conceive in our minds and heart, aint it?

Have a tight squeezy huggable weekend, my sweets.

A what!

As a parent the beauty in parenthood is most reflected in those unsuspecting moments when they say the most darnest thing and you are caught off guard and wonder, hi! whats up with that.

Few days ago since we had winter advisory, i bunked work, i let t take the school off, cleaned the entire house, caught up on laundry, turned on the candles - all this befor ei even finished my chai...and t picks his own breakfast - his cereal- chocolate pebbles and fruit loops.

During his breakfast he says...mamma i want bumblebee, alright dear.
mamma, bumblebee is happy....i'm sure he is doll.
Is he mad, mamma....sometimes dear,
is he sad, mamma....lets hope not, baby!
You are stronger than bumblebee mamma...., no contest there, darling!
Is bumblebee mad at you, mamma...why do you think that bubba!
mamma why is bumblebee not wearing chaddi....what! ha ha ha...we'll have to find out about that, sweets!

Ha ha...what do i tell a little boy smitten of superheroes....it was awesome....he saw me laughing, he broke up laughing....it was a warm moment! love you ! xoxo!

Do we or Dont we!

While in a meeting at work, i curled my toes,

as i felt the cold sandy water 

on my feet....

the vision of my son at the beach

and his hands twined in mine,

his yowl of laughter

at the tides splashing him and i, 

made me feel good in my heart,

We need vacations that linger with us,

We need people that stay with us, 

We need flavors that jog our lanes,

We need fragrances that revive us,

We need  recollections that crowd us,

We need love that bleeds us,

We need the imagination to make faces out of clouds, 

i try to teach T how to, 

I dont miss the vacation, 

because it left me with more....

a vision in the sheerness....

On my PL.....Jab jab