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A bit of my childhood !

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Halloween weekend 2014

End of the year is happening and activities, parties, get togethers, potlucks, they all seem to happen at the same time. This whole weekend was fun, pleasant….loved it. Fri morning, it strted with a party at Taran’s school, helped Mrs. Skalski a little bit, found out at giant they are selling halal chicken, personally thanked the Managers there, lol, they saved us trips to out of town to get decent meat. Fri afternoon, Tania’s parade at her school, omg they were so cute, I didn’t even mind when she threw a tantrum at the school entrance on our way back.

Fri night, went Trick or treating….was so much fun with Tania and Taran together. She started shy, she didn’t understand what was going on, but she got a hang of it soon enough, she kept saying tick or teet, and once she got her candy, she’d say, thank youuuu…people loved hearing her, she didn’t people to give her the candy, she wouldn’t even look at them if they gave her a candy, she had to choose it herself, that was  such a kicker to see, seeing her prance around in her Minnie outfit, eating candy as we got, she ate a good amount of sugar that evening…. Love them so much….taran seems to be outgrowing which is something to think about. He didn’t want to do it with his usual crowd, he chose us, Tania and I, soham, ashi, nishi and Krishav. We were a bunch…hearty bunch….

Sat morning a little touch up, laundry and prepping masala’s, marinating etc, napping, went to neighbors daughter’s first birthday party in the club house. It was perfect….

Sun it worked like a charm, woke up, V fixed simple bfast, I started cooking for the potluck, setting up…etc. Everyone came around 12-12.30 ish and it was fun. Played Mafia, got into fights, yelling at eachother, watching football meanwhile, eating, checking on kids…it was good, aunty (ashi’s mom) lost her eye glasses and we spent good amount of time looking for it.

Around late 4ish everyone left, put lil t to nap, the big T went for extended playdate and V went to DE to buy booze ha ha ha….

Quite evening watching my crime shows, thank you god for giving me a peaceful fun day. Oh wait, especially, thank you god, for letting me receive the letter from UCIS with approval for Ammi’s GC.

A weekend in september

I had so much to say, when i came here to write, i realized i have to plan for my shona's bday soon. Then my mind drifted to a high pace of thoughts, who to invite, where to host, invitation cards etc. i frantically ran around to place a notebook to pen down names, searched for my phone (god knows where is it); while searching for it, as i'm heading into each room on the first floor, my mind was boggled more by half done jobs, folded laundry calling out to be put back in shelf, my clothes from last night strewn across casually in the room, my watch and earrings on the counter....the lazy sunday morning feeling in me is being stubborn to say, "not to touch a thing except for looking for the phone".....buss...enough...this is not important, except the following...

My bday was a blast, ammi kick started it on friday nite, we went shopping to KOP, she treated me to ring that i didnt need, a green blouse that we bth loved. Came home to V trying to calm Tania down. At the ring of twelve the childlike expression on my mom's facce to make it celebratory for me, she made me cut the left over pineapple pie we made two days ago, gave me a card, hugs, kisses, blessings! But that expression on her face was priceless!!!

Sat was fab....like a perfect day, it fit like a glove. Ammi made vada's, relaxed until late afternoon and headed to kati roll ( a small joint opened recently); as we were heading to bowling place, i was surprised to know all my doll friends were heading here to spend the day with me, i feel so touched when that happens, more than a surprise. I felt blessed.

After

After a hair cut, Taran and I hanging out at the Hot breads, waiting for biryani ( start of summer, i think). I love this moment. My shona darling. 

I have started to re-read "Scarlet Feather" by Maeve Binchy, I was getting too tired to go to library to fetch a book from library, too lazy to download one on my kindle, so scoured the books i had and picked my fave, on page 93, hung out with ammi in her room late night and i was reading the book while she was playing sudoku. It was a perfect quite moment, i'll cherish. 

Mind the Gap

....not like the one in the tube in London. But the gap in thoughts between epochs of life even though the settings are the same.

Since my mom's here, i notice few things that she says in conversation that make me ponder, make me think deep, makes me wonder, how as people we have changed so drastically over the decades. I imagine her in my shoes, how she'd have led her life, how she would have managed a situation that i find it so difficult to overcome.

I'll never forget when she got worried about my chronic cough that has returned with vengeance this year. While making fruit salad, she lovingly asked me does your cough trouble V?. I was like why would it, i've had it for over 10 years now, if anything everyone got used to it, even my friends and T got used to it. She innocently replies,  "aadat kaise hoga beta, phir aapki takleef?"

Hmm....interesting, takleef! hmm....i had quietly accepted the pain and didn't pay attention to it....how could i have expected empathy for my implicit pain when i myself didnt heed to it. I dont mean to reproach V or anyone, it's just how life is, how we get lost in the mechanics of it. I didnt explain her all this, i just got lost in my thoughts.

As people of this age, we need answers, we need them now, we need things to be in order, our minds are adapted to see things only in a way that condition well. We go to docs, we expect them to resolve our probs asap, our visit to them is a way of our taking care of the issue. But now i wonder, is that enough, is one act of resolute act suffice. Is TLC as needed as it claims? Are kind words more balm-ing/ healing than a docs prescription???? I cease to think i'd need it.

We deal with those pressures or circumstances, but the art of dealing with it in a breathable way that allows for a good exchange of emotions is largely absent. I wonder, how would T process his thoughts, his emotions, how would he deal with pressure cooker moments of times. Most importantly, how can i teach him to take care of his precious thoughts, how to let him preserve the sanctity of his well being and of those he treasures.

Sweet sweethearts

T @ 13 months and Ammi in Eluru.

Welcome Home darling! Welcome home....

When do moms stop??

As i was wrapping up my AM call with my mom, i told her i have to rush as there was a mothers day luncheon picnic at T's school. She was as excited as i was, wanted me to get there on time and says "Zara achey dhang ke kapde pehno" (translated to ....well i dont have the heart to translate).

My jaw just dropped, I'm not a 5th grader anymore and still i get these tidbits slung at me. I frowned "mamma, why did you say that" (in my head, thousand balloons were popping up wondering "I wear good clothes, dont I")

But then she goes on about how i always wear the plain jane clothes. It was my cousins wedding, all were decked out and i chose to have have a dark brown suit stiched with classy neck and well whatever...she thought something was wrong with me, look at luna, she has nice jhumkas on, her pretty green
and white lehenga.

We were at a family friends daughter wedding, i wore a simple yellow and purple kurta pyjama, the only reason i remember is because she fussed over how i could have worn something more dressier.

Ha ha...by god, i love her to pieces, but she can have me in rambles in no time.

I was thinking about all those incidents and more while I chose to wear my pretty green blouse with Express jeans, a simple bracelet. Rushed to McD's got something for myself and t's teachers. Late by 9 mts, i even managed to put some quick makeup on in less than 3 mts in the car. I hope T knows how he good he has ;) I hope i fit my mom's bill of dhang ke kapde, but i know i'll always be the plain jane who chooses clothes from the bottom of the drawer for her. This song was on fm as i was rushing...

Have a well dressed weekend, my sugar plums.

Aye Zindagi Gale Lagaa Le

When my mom is not driving me nuts, she just brightens my day like nobody else....she tells me about this girl, milky akkas cousin went to see for his marraige proposal and few days later, she packs her bags and comes over to rjy to convince him that they have to marry since she's so in love with him, and the guy was like what! we met only once, so she then calls milky akka and stays over at her place for like 2 days....so i'm very curious about the verdict there.

another sotry about that maid next door who climbed our wall to pick up the papaya that fell off of our papaya tree and when mom asks her why didnt she just come thru the gate and ask her, she could have given her the papaya, ulta that maid starts raising her voice to claim that she was there only to pick the fruit (from our garden btw) and not to steal.....my mom was like "linku i dont get it why did she have to climb over the wall" ha ha ha...

Looks like i've been cursed with something y'day, after going through a whole box of kleenex, sneezing and tucking the tissues in my robe....and dealing with full on energetic taran, i resorted to wine that i bought for myself. Warning for next time: please dont drink when you have awful cold and temperature, not a good combo. dont know how i fed my poor baby....i'm forever grateful to Pixar guys for ever making Kung Fu Panda....

The only thing i hate most seems to be around the corner, a sore throat. Thanks Priya and moddu, for your vote of confidence and suggesting i stay away from my baby.

Tho sleeping on the couch, with all the electronic glare from all the stuff, wasnt fun....but it was alright, with my running nose, cough, i couldnt help but remember my mom, no occasional kicks from taran...just me, the electronic glares, the couch and the soft throw....uff...

i feel asleep to "aye zindagi gale lagaa le" from sadma.

Baday dino kay baad....

The letters for the room mates were left on the kitchen table, going through that stack of mail, the emotion of randomness in finding a letter with your name on it, is not something we experience these days with email. The click of a button does it….before email era a letter from home would stir up a sensation of .....of the way, you’d open the door and find a long lost friend at your door step.

One such day, a letter arrived from my mom. I grappled the moment, made tea, closed the door and tore open the letter…. and to my surprise all there was in the letter were the lyrics of Pankaj Udhas’s song “baday dino kay baad”... my mom also wrote -- remember how we use to listen to this song, in the living room watching chitrahaar and use to wonder how did the singer wrap such strong sentiments in few lines….

As I was reading the letter, I realized i wasnt alone, I was in that living room with my mom, sitting casually with no care in the world.

Many years later, one day while driving back from work, i heard on a FM show that Pankaj Udhas will be in town, so i pulled over and jotted down the contact no, got 2 tickets for me and vamsi. I couldnt wait for the day to dawn any sooner. On the day of the show, an idea struck me, wouldn’t it be nice to tell Mr. Pankaj Udhas how his song influenced me. In case i meet him, I thought I'd give the note to him and so I penned down my thoughts.

Two hours before the show, Vamsi called to say he cant make it as he is stuck at work. It was too late for me to think of canceling the show, so i pulled out my rocky (my xterra) and drove to this far out town. Meanwhile it started to pour, it was 7.30pm on dark cold rainy night. After many missed exits and bad turns, i reached but sadly the show started, that didn't waver my enthusiasm to enjoy the show.

At break time, i went backstage, but met him only after a silly indian lady wanted to get his autograph for her soon to be son-in-law! The way she asked him was what irked me... So, my turn came and I gave him my note, exchanged pleasantries and returned to my seat.

An hour into the show, I looked at my watch and wondered maybe I should head back or it’ll be too late and i had to stop at a gas station too. Just then Mr. Pankaj Udhas announced that the next song "Chitti ayi hai" will be his last for the evening. He also added that "i want to dedicate this to 2 people here in the audience, when i call names please do stand up". First he said, he wanted to dedicate this song to his friend who organized the show and second for the young lady, Imtiaz, who gave me this beautiful note, it's for both of u, who gave life to the meaning of the song…

I was dumb struck, could it be true, it was unreal, while we stood, the whole auditorium rang with the resonance of claps and whispers and i cant tell u how profoundly this moment had stuck to me since then. Then he sang....that beautiful song and I as I looked around, I realized that the grand concert hall was transformed to my living room, where me and my mom were watching the song on tv and sharing a moment...