i just finished reading a ted dekker book "three".
After i closed the book, i held it in my hand and pondered away. Is jealousy as evil as it is portrayed, i went back to few instances when i felt jealous of a friend, of what they have in thier lives, not as in things, but the kind of life, thier friends, life which was what i had in mind for my life. How it made me feel, at that time. What i saw in the mirror, was a empty face.... a face with no features, just skin, eyes, woried forehead! Dont know to waht extent is it evil, but i can see the resemblance.
Maybe it just reflected, my mood off late. I've been feeling lonely, feeling kinda dejected and obsolete. I;ve never felt this way before, but i pass at different points of my life and watch it play in my head the happy times, the bad times, the questionable times, the times that made me who i am, what i've become. I and people i know credit me with being a strong personality, I do not refute that. But a part of me feels lonely.
I need to find a way to bare it to the world and let it see if it'll accept me. The big question is would it matter if it does or doesnt?
- i to me
