days and nights

It's one of those many days and nights that I lay awake wondering, what..... more so I battle with my demons of loneliness. As I wash the bottles I can't help but feel the wetness on my face.

There are many reasons for today's being low, but mostly I hate the fact that my dad is not around. As I was in the dentists office getting ready to get my tooth pulled, the doc and nurse saw what I felt and asked me if I was crying because of the pain?

As strangers as they are to me I couldn't tell them it's not the pain from my tooth but from my heart. With my eyes closed for the surgical process all I was seeing was my dad squeezing my hand and telling me it'll all be fine, beta, in dr. Sri rams dental office in hyd. I strongly felt what I felt. I missed him because he raised us knowing no pain, he gave us only love, unconditional love. In a way he spoilt us, and raised us to expect the same, which is so far from truth. The warmth, love and comfort I felt at home has not yet been felt again.

I force myself to smile, splash cold water on a September night and head to bed.


Sent from my iPhone

After

After a hair cut, Taran and I hanging out at the Hot breads, waiting for biryani ( start of summer, i think). I love this moment. My shona darling. 

I have started to re-read "Scarlet Feather" by Maeve Binchy, I was getting too tired to go to library to fetch a book from library, too lazy to download one on my kindle, so scoured the books i had and picked my fave, on page 93, hung out with ammi in her room late night and i was reading the book while she was playing sudoku. It was a perfect quite moment, i'll cherish.