In numbers

101 drafts of blog posts,
more than 101 thoughts
lost count of days of not blogging, i felt a pull almost everyday to write but i....
this is the worst and the best season i love to blog about....

I'll randomly start with the day i was writing T's b'day card late night on the kitchen table, your handwriting, your affectionate words and the cards you have given me over the years, which i have saved it like precious jewels, were spread out in my heart like a cool shadow under a tree on  hot day.

Instead of saying this and that, i kept it simple and wrote the card like you do, with love, with my affection and the words best describe it. Everyone says time heals the worst of wounds, it's been 3 years, and i'm not a day away from that fateful day.

This morning, i read on bbc that Dev anand is no more, and i cried in silence on hearing you calling me from living room while watching "chitrahaar", "Linku, dev anand ka gana aa raha hai, jaldi aao" i cant fathom why i use to love dev anand....Madhu gave me the "guide" dvd few years ago and i for some reason understood the complexity of thier emotions much better than the first time i saw it.

I love you abba jaan, my darling baba! 

Judge yourself

“ You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. J. Miles


Next time, when you are in a situation like that, think of which way you leaned. 


I'm a big fan of quotes, thanks to my dad. He use to love quotes, we use to have books and books just on quotes. When my childhood classmate best friend Madhavi was leaving town, i was wondering what to give her and on my dad's suggestion, i gave her a book of quotes. We are still friends and in touch. So my affinity to quotes leads me to post some of my fave ones here, do you have any fave quotes to share.

Mo

A dear friend of dad's Mohan prasad uncle is no more, a severe loss for the literary world. A well known, highly acknowledged poet. I remember visiting uncles home on my way back from my drawing class in summer holidays when dad was stationed there. Uncle always in white, with cigarette in his hand and their open home next to a rocky mountain in vijayawada. He use to say "paininchi okka rai kuda padindante, mana kuteeram sangatulu inka anthay"..... he'd have a small garden in that patch where the possibility of any rock falling was eminent. I'd look up and wonder...

His daughter, mamta akka went on to win debates at national level and was sent to Germany. Sujata anuty is quite a simpleton. I'll always remember you fondly uncle, i promise to visit aunty the next time i'm there.

Size it up?

From a distance, today i saw a grown daughter hug her much older father with such love in her hold....in that minute I felt a pang of fullness in my arms and the comfort you feel when you rest your head on your dad's shoulder.

In Ajmer, daddy being goofy :)

My dad's presence was all i felt, i could see the freckles on this skin and just as the thought was taking a full circle....I realized how it must have felt like for my dad when i was a kid, when i was all up and gone, would it have been the same way like i feel with T?

All the snapshots of moments of T growing up in his size of hugs in my arms and all the times when i hugged my dad in the decisive moments of my life was flocking to my head. One heartfelt hug can close all the distances we conceive in our minds and heart, aint it?

Have a tight squeezy huggable weekend, my sweets.

Ghalib in my life....

Di-e-nadaan tujhey hua kya hai

Akhir iss dard ki dawa kya hai

Humko unse wafaa ki hai umeed

Jo nahi jaante wafaa kya hai ....

When my sister was seriously ill and we all flew to see her in Melbourne, few years ago, I remember walking down the halls with a 2 month taran in tow, up and down the hall. Because, the nurses wouldnt allow a infant in the ICU. So between me and my mom, my dad, we would take turns nursing, napping taran, changing him everything in the hospital. All this when we werent caring for my brand new nephew Asad.

But as my sister got better, she was changed to a maternity section, we noticed by the end of every week, Jijju or I would be running to the store to buy the infant formula, one day, lunoo said, how come the formula is running out so quickly, shouldnt it be lasting for over 2-3 weeks the least, a visiting friend Cherrie wondered maybe they are using the formlua for other kids in the ward. To that my dad replied, if then it's all going to the right use, so what if it's not just our baby.

Something about that struck with me. He saw through the most simplest form of things. During dad's ...... a blind man from VJY came by to give respects. How did he know dad i asked, oh well, he's the only man who'd buy me tea and biscuits when he was passing by. They both grew to know each other and befriended.

While driving back home the other day, I was heavily reflecting on few incidents and felt, Greatness is in the simplicity of life. It comes in recognizing and acknowledging the simple acts of life, the kindness, the courteousness, the patience in the most impatient of times, the grace - there lies the true greatness the people are remembered with and of. One can be the most intelligent Astronaut, a scientist, top bureaucrat - but it all only comes to life only when traits of simple nature reflect in thoughts as well as actions happen.



My all time fave song. there is no link to my title and my blog, lol, but i'm so in love with my dad's collection of Ghalib's cassettes that i sneaked from his dear music ensemble. Love you baba, i want you to know that i miss you terribly.

Baba

I miss you! I still curse my bad luck for carrying you all by myself to the hospital, i still remember the way your face lit up when you saw taran on his first b'day at the hospitals terrace, i cant forget a lot...but the most that sticks to me is what you taught us even in your last days you tried so much for being with us, i love you so much for trying for our sake....please come back soon. Writers point in Rajahmundry, mamma in eluru, me in West chester, your friedns in hyd and vjy we all are rememring you the best way we can in our own ways.

Lovingly,
Linku

Who'd I call

My dear baba, abbu, pappu, gundu, my all...

Happy Daddy's day!

For a dad, who taught me to respect myself, who taught me to be confident, who taught the
importance of equality, who encouraged me to be all that i feared, who taught to fail
doenst break you, the journey of reaching the destination is all that matters...for most who
taught me to love, lose and face it...

 

Love the way you are holding mom's hand...
 

From all three of us....we are and never will be the same without you around, but...
 

As always i know in my heart you are with me, in spirit, in love around me and that wants me to be all that you wished of me.

Promise to come back soon...promise to meet me through someone, everyone i meet.

I miss calling you, i miss all that came with you, and not able to welcome all that's gone with you.

Happy Fathers day to the world of dads who make the world a fun, cool, sweet, protective place for their daughters, sons and all.

Shining shimmer

Except for the innocence of my sons laughs, screams and running around the house in his undies, with tight fists as if he is knocking something...except for that..i dont see a point in most of the stuff.

What is all this worth, what is life, what is beyond, why do we laugh and cry and feel all those feelings when one day we have to go...when these wont be remembered...the laughs the cries, as my mom so eloquently puts it, life moves on.

We are all connected and yet we live, we die, we move on. The shine that life was is now a shimmer that went away with my dad.

Every new journey that held the mystery is now a detour to the old street i so know in my heart.

Yaadien

Last night on Lifetime, Akeelah the Bee was on. This was my dad's favorite movie, he made 3 copies for all 3 of us, to make sure we saw the movie. Before they were leaving for hajj i went to help them pack and just be there. At that time, he and i watched this movie together in Rjy. Watching that movie now alone in my living room, brought back memories of him. He made sure we understood how important education is, he made sure we saw value of education and learning in everyday life. He never ever forced us to learn or read, it was just way he was, you felt like knowing more, more about life, things, people and stuff. I feel a sting of warm tears on my cheeks but the most hard to deal with is, that he left so much for us to think of, to remember. Even he's not here, i cant believe how much i've learnt about life and people. Thank you baba.

This morning when i called my mom to tell her about the movie, she just resounded what i was feeling, she eloquently out that "he left us with just memories now". He did, you did dad, with such great ones that i'm humbled that i'm your daughter. I'm proud to be your daughter. I love you.

Be back soon my darling.....

My dad(s) rules

I was talking to a friend few days ago and was reminded of a sweet memory that I couldn’t help but blog about.

After lot of coaxing and pleading, from me and my brother, telling stories of bus rides et al, my dad agreed to get me a Kinetic Honda. When we were in the Patny showroom, bringing that bike out, my joy knew no boundaries. Then the irony started to roll by the time we reached home. My dad made a deal with me that he’d show me how to drive and until my driving satisfies his standards, I wasn’t getting full control of it. I thought well, that shouldn’t be hard, I had driven 2 wheelers before so how hard would it be to please him…..yaaa… he proved me wrong there. First, he made me sit behind him, then he’d drive me until my school, constantly training me the right way to accelerate the bike, how you have to anticipate the oncoming traffic at turns, how to gently apply brakes, the right way to drive over the speed breaker and the wrong way, what a bad habit it is to drive without the shades (or goggles or whatever u call them), how to keep the gas at least half full, there was no end to the checklist. I finally got them all down and he agreed to let me drive. Almost after a week, I was like finally dad wont be there to police me so I can do some slants and all, and go over speed if there is less traffic, and of course the idea of shades was all the more fashion related than functional to me.

So I step out, thanking god that at least dad didn’t force me to wear my head gear. Just then he stops me to ask where was I going, I said to school, of course. But he said he’s not ready yet, I was like but it’s me who’s going nah, baba, why should you be ready. He smiled and made me wait for him.

Apparently, he was planning on following right behind my kinetic in his jeep, “policing me”, to see if I was doing as he preached. I was dumbfounded at this suggestion. By the time we reached near school, I pulled my bike to the side and said “baba, PLEASE, go now, don’t embarrass me in front of my friends”, oh just as well, he agreed and turned back to his office.

This saga continued for a week before he “graduated” me on his terms to drive on my own. Yipee…no matter how much I cribbed then, I just can’t help laughing when I think of that story.

Folks can be real funny sometimes.