Deepika P

I want this...it's not fair that she's so pretty, and gets to wear all this fab clothes, no no no!!! ha ha...really love this outfit.

Eid ka dinner

Eid mubarakan meri jaans...

Sweet....

I heard this song on my cassette (which i sneaked from my friend in Madras, it's another memory of another time.) All i can say about this is, it reminded me of that day when i was in college, the fewer words the better it is ;) muffakham jah Eng college in banajara hills, a distant relative trying very hard to make an impression on me, took me and another cousin to his farewell day at his college.

Since he caught me waddling time in front of TV, he convinced my dad to take us to his farewell party at his engineering college. My dad didnt see any harm in it, since i had company of another cousin, i was like what the heck, and as we cracked jokes made fun of his casual attire etc, as we reached, all his fan club were very surprised to see me there.

I was extremely cool headed then i just ignored all the gals and sat under a tree lit with fairy lights with my other cousin. As all thier farewell programmes were unwrapping all the gals wanted my cousin to sing. By popular demand he gets on stage and starts singing, this very song, and you should see the rest of the gals around me giving me the looks. I was like oh no no no! i was red with furious......its not what you think, he's not singing...for me. No no...i was barely 18 then.... now as i think of it, i just laughed my heart out on the drive. He's now divorced, re-married and is a proud dad of 2 kids.

Few years ago, my mom and i went to see his ailing mom, and we offered support and bid good byes. People change over the course of years. Life beats the shit out of us and we start to look tired, he looked kinds something like that.

women

hmm....this is not easy to talk about, sometimes, i wonder why things that seem clearer from a third persons view is so fizzled when you are in the situaion yourself.

Why is it that as people we fail to raise to the occasion when most needed for ourselves.

Are circumstances really so compelling, why is it hard to fathom a change in life?

Why and what do we fear?

Why is social acceptance and reputation a deciding factor in improving your life....

The last few months when i zoned out, i came across one women who stayed couple of nights at my place as i was trying to accommodate a cousins request. Jo bhi, something abt my demenor or what i dont know, people find it easy to talk to me, over cup of my chai, over somehow open thier darkest ghost closets and tell me stuff.

And then few weeks ago, my mom was sharing something that happened to a very close relative of ours, my aunt. Both these women had something in common, they are in relationships with spouses who blatantly abuse them, physically, mentally, verbally, these women have children who witness this day in and out, they have aging parents who want a better life for them, these are people who have facades of deep rooted beliefs in god.

then again today, i was shared of a story of a young woman who is seeking divorce for the second time in her short 28 yrs of life.

While some women are so protective of things that are dubious, the others are throwing it away. I'm not here to police their moral choices, i'm not here to judge them, what triggers my post is....is it the family upbringing, is it the pressure of society, or is a persons.....

(huh such an old post...)

Falling out

Unadulterated pure sweetness is what my son is. It just baffles me, how loyal and thoughtful he is. Esp so when I see other kids atleast show signs of street wise smartness, some clever attitude, with him; he doesn't understand it, I get scared of how I should teach him to be tough boy. I don't want to change a kids natural tendencies, but I was so ill prepared for a situation that I didn't see coming. As a result when I'm guiding my shona baby sort thru emotions we realize as first time parents we are sorting our own emotions too. Can't help being protective, yet raising the bar to be objective and teach the right thing is a struggle between a cool headed mom and a hurting protective mom.

God help me in showing him the right way.

Sent from my iPhone

Off Or On ??

"Whoever is in trouble why r they on the hook?" asks my bubba.

ha ha... i forgot all about posting this. ha ha so funny. In my constant grilling and being a mom yelling at my then 4 and half yo son, i'd keep saying you are not off the hook taran, you ar enot.

So one day he asks me....that. Why are people in trouble on the hook???? ha ha ... i still cant stop at his cuteness. i know i know only a mom would find this funny but hi this is my blog and i intend to post my cute stuff.

Sent from my iPhone

Pip, Estella..

what can i say, a book of my dad's, lying promiscuously in my library, i had nothing to lay my hands on to read. So i picked this up. No no no...the book picked me up.

Its torn, its old, its full of life, its a book worth spending perfect summer days on....its a book that'll walk you through your life as it walks through the characters lives.

I related to the sand-stillness of time, the growing pains, the misunderstanding, the love, the hate, the pain. The imperfections in the perfect lives is beautiful. Thank you baba!

Cold!!

Just when I think, I've found a groove to conquer my day, slam bam wham! All goes out the window.

Actually two things happened, I was hurt and I'll be dismally doing what I hired help for.

i hired a lady to clean my home, the last she was here, i was so preoccupied with planning my sons b'day, i didnt get to talk much with her. She assumed i was giving her the cold shoulder for not acknowledging her work. So she texts me to say, she took on more work since she started working at my place and wont be coming to my home. huh!!!!

I'm hurt, not because she quit on my, but she texted to quit on me. REally...is that all that is worth. People have no guts to face up.

I'm hurt because, in my years of life on this planet, I still can't grasp how people can be cold as a cube and cut the cord of connections. It just simply baffles me.

No word, no personal touch, just a cold text or worse yet just puffing off in air.

Wanting to be a better person I know of self, I thanked her for coming to help me out when i needed the most, which I clearly should not even have and wished her best.

Once again I was a victim of such cold attitude that it figuratively fucked up my day.




Sent from my iPhone

Fall from my window

Yday Taran and I walked backwards from parking lot to the snip it's. It's was a moment I wanted to bottle up. The lady facing us, thought something was wrong with her and she was checking around herself. It was too funny.

Love you honey bunny for making life interesting.

Bday preps

My shona's b'day invite from Etsy. I love it. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!

How can a lorry

My ammi taught my son lots of things only a grandma can teach. One of them is "I dont have a lorry to carry your sorry"...pretty corky but hi! i'm not getting in my moms way. i once paid for that with my life, i dont have another one to spend so i shut up.

Somewhere in the middle of doing something, taran has an "Aha" moment and asks me...."but mamma, how a lorry carry sorry, arent they a persons words?"

Precious my darling, exactly my point. I'm glad you figured it out....but in all seriousness i love when things click in kids heads and they just blurt it out. 

Field trip lunch bag

This is my art work, from summer of 2012, taran's summer camp. On his field trip day, i'd do some silly drawing of the theme of that field trip on his brown lunch bag. His teachers miss megan and miss erin, would always look forward to my drawings, and taran use to love showing them off to his friends.... i dont think he'll ever know the love i have for him. 

My son teaches me to express and show love in simple ways, that i feel is too much for my image. He cracks the tough exterior so effortlessly that i wonder why do i chose to behave a certain way in some situations. 

A weekend in september

I had so much to say, when i came here to write, i realized i have to plan for my shona's bday soon. Then my mind drifted to a high pace of thoughts, who to invite, where to host, invitation cards etc. i frantically ran around to place a notebook to pen down names, searched for my phone (god knows where is it); while searching for it, as i'm heading into each room on the first floor, my mind was boggled more by half done jobs, folded laundry calling out to be put back in shelf, my clothes from last night strewn across casually in the room, my watch and earrings on the counter....the lazy sunday morning feeling in me is being stubborn to say, "not to touch a thing except for looking for the phone".....buss...enough...this is not important, except the following...

My bday was a blast, ammi kick started it on friday nite, we went shopping to KOP, she treated me to ring that i didnt need, a green blouse that we bth loved. Came home to V trying to calm Tania down. At the ring of twelve the childlike expression on my mom's facce to make it celebratory for me, she made me cut the left over pineapple pie we made two days ago, gave me a card, hugs, kisses, blessings! But that expression on her face was priceless!!!

Sat was fab....like a perfect day, it fit like a glove. Ammi made vada's, relaxed until late afternoon and headed to kati roll ( a small joint opened recently); as we were heading to bowling place, i was surprised to know all my doll friends were heading here to spend the day with me, i feel so touched when that happens, more than a surprise. I felt blessed.

Bank it on!

Oh my my....

Y'day on mom's persistent insistence i headed to get something out of a locker at my bank. Mind you this is the same bank i worked at for many years, as a Asst. Mgr then moved on to HR. Aaahh...let's not get to that part first.

This is a bank that reminds me of good old pennsylvania country life, slow, steady, strong, nothing changes there, like how a rock solid relation should be.

When i started working there, i was welcomed with open arms by Mary Ann, Sharon, Harriet and mostly by my customers. They just loved me. I'd tell them to do not waste time making a trip to the bank just to find thier balance, get online i'd say and they would. The old people who lost count of thier age, would compliment me on my wild untamed curls, which i hated.

I'd lunch in the quite lunch room and read the daily local news paper and make myself acquainted to the going ons and abouts of the local people's lives, business, traumas, dramas et al.

But the hilarious part was, local dudes would ask me out!!!!

yeah, really.... and maryann woud just wink at me for that, and say- you talk to them, you make them feel impotant you ask them how is it going, and i would be (secretly happy but equally) baffled and say isnt it my job to talk to them.....

this guy who was going to sail a boat in the creeks nearby once headed to the bank just to ask me out, and he was cute too...handsomely cute. the othr time it was the newly graduated guy who was going to a frat party and wanted me in. Aah...i sorely wanted to go to that one, but since i was busy being a wife and all i refused.

But what girl doesnt like the little attention she gets huh! I'm mostly writing this to remind myself of days that were lighter in life, days that bring an instant smile, like the day i left my car keys in the vault and the bank was locked for the longweekend, i think V came to pick me up.

Aah when i atually drove to work (50 miles) on Labor day weekend, when it was in HR at boyertown, it didnt strike me when there were no cars in the parking, i forsome reason thought i ame early, lol! After realising the fact that it was holiday, i dutifully sent an email to my collegues, saying this is what happens if you love your job too much. Earl our HR mgr, loved it, he still makes me an example of work life ;)

The day i left my lights on in the car, and the battery died, the benefits mgr, the guy i disliked came to my rescue, and hemade sure everyone knew about it the next day. I'll go back here in a split of a second...

But Mamma....

Mamma, why do people have kids. No wait, why did you have ME, such as, Taran? ( it was quite funny to hear "such as" from my shona's mouth)

Mamma, what does occupied mean?
(I gave a sentence with an example)

Mamma, what is an example?

Mamma, why do babies talk by crying? Why can't they talk?

Mamma why is Germany so far from America?

( at any enter/ exit signage at doors)
Mamma, Why do people go out from enter?

Mamma, am I born?

Mamma, why are people called human beings?

Mamma, why didn't we go to googles birthday?

Mamma, why do people live on earth?

Mamma, are there people on Mars?

Mamma, why is sun so hot?

I mean there should be something writen somewhere about how smart a mom should be at anwering her sweet darlings questions.

Love you my sweet honey!

Sent from my iPhone