got a text early morning 3.04 am from my nana abbu in pakistan about tragic passing in my family in Harrisburg.
What unfolded next is lot to for me to deal with. I spoke to my khala on way to work, her recount of what happened to my cousin, his accident, just everything shook me to the core.
I couldn't stop thinking of her, nor my cousin. It wasn't possible that he was gone and that too in such a tragic way. It is not my story to share, it is his actually and if anybody else his mom's my aunts, so I'm not sharing this. I don't feel right talking about it, but it shook me up a lot, all these questions of why, how come, what went wrong - kept flooding in my head. not knowing who to reach out to in my "quest" for a lack of better word, for answers, I sought my sister's help. She comforted me in the way she could but i know i think my questions threw her off and made her little off track too.
I promised my aunt that I'll attend the funeral to be there for her. But next sat came and i didnt hear from her, so i thought things were still in works and didnt feel right interrupting her. but came to know on late sat that funeral went smoothly on Sat morning on that warm sunny fall day. He was buried the same day he was born. It was his birthday, the day he was funeral took place. I said my prayers in my heart. I called her on Sunday and promised to come visit her next sat, as she had stuff going on with her, she felt best to see only on weekends.
that following sat 25th oct, on my way to Harrisburg, all the points of my interaction with him, his dad who also passed away few months ago to cancer, his mom (my aunt), was flooding to me and the surrounding mountains with the picturesque fall trees seem to be engulfing me in a hug, in a comforting hug that i couldn't deny. My tears rolled and i cried going to her house. His audi truck was still parked outside.
She gently opened the door for me to welcome in her home, which she is now just visiting as her older son and his family lives there. That impeccable living room is now a accumulation of oversized furniture with unread mail scattered on the TV console. Kids shoes, laundry everything....was everywhere. This wasnt the OCD in me this was the old linku that went in thier old beautiful house now just a memory of a uncle who's no more, a son who's no more, a busy older son and my aunt who visiitng from another state.
We held hands and spoke and she poured it all out, as much as she truthfully can and i just listened with tears...god please give myaunt hte stregnth to deal with this part of her life. An unimaginable sorrow dawned on her and I felt she is holding me up.
I gave what i brought for her grandkids, promised to help her with her airline refund and left her home to visit another friend in town who recently bought a house. My friend was so graceful in not asking too many questions, fed me well which wasn't planned, my heart was crying but i couldn't let it go on it's own. Phir she and I kept talking non-stop for two hours until i left to drive back home.
I'm in awe of people, of families, of untapped strength and love, love with no judgments, love with no expectations, love just sheer love.
All my questions of why people do and behave a certain way, are now rested that the answer is -- there is NO answer, the answer is acceptance, the answer is being there for people, for family and friends. That's my take away and I wont ever forget that. I cant wait to share my lessons with my loving children until then i need to let the answer help me in anyway it can.
I couldn't stop thinking of her, nor my cousin. It wasn't possible that he was gone and that too in such a tragic way. It is not my story to share, it is his actually and if anybody else his mom's my aunts, so I'm not sharing this. I don't feel right talking about it, but it shook me up a lot, all these questions of why, how come, what went wrong - kept flooding in my head. not knowing who to reach out to in my "quest" for a lack of better word, for answers, I sought my sister's help. She comforted me in the way she could but i know i think my questions threw her off and made her little off track too.
I promised my aunt that I'll attend the funeral to be there for her. But next sat came and i didnt hear from her, so i thought things were still in works and didnt feel right interrupting her. but came to know on late sat that funeral went smoothly on Sat morning on that warm sunny fall day. He was buried the same day he was born. It was his birthday, the day he was funeral took place. I said my prayers in my heart. I called her on Sunday and promised to come visit her next sat, as she had stuff going on with her, she felt best to see only on weekends.
that following sat 25th oct, on my way to Harrisburg, all the points of my interaction with him, his dad who also passed away few months ago to cancer, his mom (my aunt), was flooding to me and the surrounding mountains with the picturesque fall trees seem to be engulfing me in a hug, in a comforting hug that i couldn't deny. My tears rolled and i cried going to her house. His audi truck was still parked outside.
She gently opened the door for me to welcome in her home, which she is now just visiting as her older son and his family lives there. That impeccable living room is now a accumulation of oversized furniture with unread mail scattered on the TV console. Kids shoes, laundry everything....was everywhere. This wasnt the OCD in me this was the old linku that went in thier old beautiful house now just a memory of a uncle who's no more, a son who's no more, a busy older son and my aunt who visiitng from another state.
We held hands and spoke and she poured it all out, as much as she truthfully can and i just listened with tears...god please give myaunt hte stregnth to deal with this part of her life. An unimaginable sorrow dawned on her and I felt she is holding me up.
I gave what i brought for her grandkids, promised to help her with her airline refund and left her home to visit another friend in town who recently bought a house. My friend was so graceful in not asking too many questions, fed me well which wasn't planned, my heart was crying but i couldn't let it go on it's own. Phir she and I kept talking non-stop for two hours until i left to drive back home.
I'm in awe of people, of families, of untapped strength and love, love with no judgments, love with no expectations, love just sheer love.
All my questions of why people do and behave a certain way, are now rested that the answer is -- there is NO answer, the answer is acceptance, the answer is being there for people, for family and friends. That's my take away and I wont ever forget that. I cant wait to share my lessons with my loving children until then i need to let the answer help me in anyway it can.
