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Phila to London

After a lot of deliberation and second guessing and talking myself out of it and taking detours of other plans and asking people who it doesn't matter to - I spoke to the kids I'll be travelling with and took the plunge to ask V to book tickets to go to London with just kids for 8 days.

As the day was nearing my trip - i was second guessing, what was I thinking, what will i do if something goes wrong, I read blogs about travelling alone, i was just building blind faith, it reminded me of my days before travelling to australia, reminded me of the first day i landed there, something that had a deep impact on me. Tu hi hai woh....

I planned, planned and planned. I asked for helo from friends there, Ramana gave me awesome tips, then the day before my trip, I called the concierge at the hotel, BAM.... that sealed the deal. Why didnt I do this before all the rigmarole I went through. But again my own words rang true to me, there is a process, we all need to go through the process to come to the end point. The process is the learning phase.

He and I set up the airport pickup, planned my days while I'll be there, it was just a matter of time for me to start the trip, trust the process and execute the plan.

Day 1 through Day 8 - it was planned. I could hug and kiss myself lol for bracing myself and kids and expose them to the world outside of here.

Pre-boarding
	1/2 day school & 1/2 day work
	Leave home 4.30pm
	American airline 736 to LHR AT 7.20PM arriving in London at 7.45 am April 11th
Day 1: Thu - April 11th | PTO 1
8.30am	Pick up by hotel	Hotel phone number: 011 - 44 -20 - 783 466 55
9.30am	Check in
1.15pm	London Eye
	Houses of Parliament
	Opposite to house of parliament is Westminster Abbey
	10 downing street
	Trafalgar Square
	Hop on and off
	Dinner and sleep		Ken los
Day 2: Fri - April 12th | PTO 2
	Tower of London - 2 hours
	Tower Bridge
	Lunch
	Temple tube station
	2pm is the Harry Potter ride
	5pm they'll drop at Kings Cross station
	Ended up going back to London eye for build a bear
	Dinner and head back to hotel
Day 3: Sat - April 13th
	Ended up going to Zoo
	London natural history museum		Yes
	dinner at Quilon		Michelin restaurant
	hotel
Day 4: Sun - April 14th
	Mews
	Changing of the guard by the large statue of Queen Victoria
	Lunch
	Ended up going to Hampton Castle, did easter egg hunt and meeting friends - such a glorious day - meeting old friends
Day 5 /6/7:  Mon- April 15th Sheffiled - at Rekha's
Day 8: April 18th
10.50am	Manchester airport
	American Airline 735
	Terminal 3

Kya bataoon

Poocho tho zara haal kya hai

Poocho tho zara kya baath hai

Poocho tho zara ek baar

Someone told me today, I hide behind my smiles.... I was shocked to hear that. But really who isnt...we all are hiding behind something and we live in a space that is around us.

Beautiful stories warm my heart and water my eyes, i care for simple life and stopped caring.

I saw Gully boy last weekend, strong movie - loved it.

I changed my diet - to skip rice - replaced with oats, brown rice etc and boy is my body loving it. I have been on salads for lunch over few months now, and I thoroughly enjoy it. If anything my chronic cough is UNDER control. I can breathe now, I can actually talk without feeling like "boy, i shouldnt even have started this conversation"

Last of the teens 2019

How do you start a new year?

 

What makes something to begin ?

 

What do we bring and what do we leave behind to start the beginning?

 

Taran and I were talking about how this is last teen year - same day the yoga instructor said, be present in the time, this is only time you are as young as you are, this is the only time you are as old as you are, your body is evolving by the second. Honor the ouch :) Lol

My new year has started with a bang, basement is flooded, floors are ripped, my work laptop has crashed, my dining table will be delivered on Saturday, I took my first yoga for the year, my life is in spiraling as always. But after 10 days off the grid in the cruise, shopping, the comedy shows, the juggler, the musical shows, non-stop eating, I guess the intensity of the situation I’m in is not registering with me. The massive amount of thousands of dollars we need to spend to fix something that we just installed is something I’m unable to fathom.

 

I have to remind myself all that I’m grateful for. I shouldn’t think of why was it done in the first place, how we could have invested in other projects, maybe if I was little bit more supportive, the karma, the whole nine yards, it’s not what I should think of.

 

Remind myself what I’m grateful for.

Ever wonder...

While brushing my teeth, IDK why I was think what would V say at my funeral, I had a feeling....

While driving to work, the same thought came. Then the thought about what is love – kept haunting me – it’s definitely not romance or grand gestures. Maybe it is if it’s coming from place of affection.

But just that is not love. Being in love is showing that you care. Helping out and clearing obstructions from each other’s way, encouraging, trusting and spending tiny bit of time with the opposite person.

I felt something in me breaking like crumbling today. I’m not angry anymore, my wishes my hopes are not dear anymore to me. I’m not seeing what I use to see but I’m not shocked by it. I have come to accept the simmer of heat slowing fading away. 

Care?

To come to think of it, I don't think anyone really cares. Think about it...as sad as it feels like, I dont think anyone cares enough that can change your truth of life.

Even if they do, they have conditions on us to deal with our stuff. The words once out of your mouth and the way you see it - profoundly changes once it's from someone else's words. The stress in certain emotions than your's and the whole dialect / meaning changes.

We must live mediocre lives, the things we worry about, the things we feel are at stake, the things we tie ourselves to, its like we can't live past them.

It's really an illusion, it whatever it is - only real only constant in that moment. Once the moment passes - it's all up for interpretations from various sources.

In my path of self-reflection I feel I haven't lived enough. We are living somebody else's life. 

Visibility

I feel I've become invisible to my own self. It's like I don't exist....my actions, my routine is something I go as part of what is expected of me. IDK if I'm who I'm or an extension of me going through this cycle of moments. So fucking weird.

https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/cheesy-stuffed-baked-potatoes/

Sleep Over

My baby had a first sleep over at home with Hailey, 9/28. 

I made pillow fort in ammi's room, ordered and picked up the pizza, got mini pumpkins for them to paint, they watched a movie, ate junk in the middle of the night, I read a book for them - bernstein brothers - going to credit union!!! it was so sweet - we went to Ruby's for breakfast and concord township park and dropped her home. it was crazy sweet. 

Though my baby's voice was barely audible - due to cold I think- she had a blast. 

Monday is picture day and my baby is the "fish of the week" - i had so much fun putting otgether the pictures for her class.

Out of Control

Most of the days it feels out of control

https://youtu.be/fD0_FSsa8Go



After 3 glasses of rose (mionetto) and listening to gulzar - memories happen in my world. On most of the days when everything feels out of control - Saturday night - though I didnt plan - as cooking fish curry, I blocked out my thoughts, my sights, and just went with headphones on. For a little bit - i experienced a little bit of freedom.

I took to FB and posted something to two of my old friends but I was in the Gold coast in the living room looking out. THAT GIRL!! is she gone- she can never resurface. No matter what people say- the truth that comes across you, you can't unsee it. The pinch of it is there, the sourness lingers, the beauty you realize is to live with the ugly parts of it.

I wasn't drunk because I'm too conscious of it, my mind always makes me aware of it. I was though border line right there- what made it so special was Gulzar's voice with Ghalib and Jagjit singing it in my head, I was being overtaken by all of them, and their words were washing me.

I wanted to call an old school friend, who called me to say that he was going to RJY :) so sweet... but I have nothing in common with him except that we knew eachother in school, so I let that pass.

I wanted to handhold and walk with the girl (myself) who had tears rolling down as she was sitting in the meeting. I masked it very well but wondered if the 2 guys noticed. I doubt it.

Maybe depression is on the lurks or maybe not and i'm making room with it. My life and it's decisions that I took and the minute details that led me to them - all of them are standing in front of me and questioning me, why? why did you bring me here? why didnt you reach out for help? why didnt the people around you who saw you throwing your life away - say something.

O

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Phila Cary Summer 2018

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Last week 8/2 through 8/9 and this weekend were quite eventful. 

Kids and I went by Amtrak to Cary and LOVED it. When the train would stop at few stations or cross the rivers and you see the water bodies as far as the eye can go without any outlines of cities nearby, the sight of my kids my lifelines absorbing the sights, playing, napping, whining and mostly enjoying the ride it made me feel all worth it. We did business class on our way to NC and big T enjoyed getting his soda and eating the leftover noodles from PF chang. It was a 7 hours journey that had a story to it – the train stopped near Charlotte or something like that, they rode the train back to Rock Mount and switched the CSX engines with another goods engine and after lot of time spent getting approvals – in all 3 hours of wait – we made it to Raleigh, Mastaan came by to pick us up.

The visit to cuz and her family was full of moments of fun for kids, and us. The snip it’s of the vacay – I can’t bottle it in few words, but I’ll try for my own chronicles. Mission impossible with kiddo’s was SO fun. Dinnu enjoyed the bike ride scene in Paris, the kids took turns interrupting during the movie for potty breaks…like really…we were at such an intense important scene and they wanted to go….lol it was funny but we took care of them.

Next day we headed to NC science museum – I was truly amazed by it – it had no bells and whistles – but every floor was full of interesting stuff to look and do. The blue whale skelton, the dog that sniffs the whale’s potty and detects where it is…lol. The 3d dino show, the lunch at afro café – kids madly swapping hats – we were there till the time they announced it was closed. Drove back home to go to pool – boy did they get the most of it.

Next day we went to USS battleship – wowee – that was huge and breathtaking to see all the warfare, big T lost his Eagles hat there. The marines how they lived in the battleship, their arrangements to eat, sleep, live, doctors, chefs, laundromats, salons, shoe shining places that was just a small gist of it, the majestic cannons the flags, the wartime paintings etc, it was amazing.

We drove to Carolina beach from there. What do you do on a sunny day at beach – you head for lunch yeah…lol…not to forget the kids have been nicely fed all morning at different pit stops. Ruhaan and lil T – we went to change at the Hampton inn express, we kinda sneaked in…maybe we shouldn’t have but there were no places to change for the girls. Finally came the beach – they geared into it without any delay – our promise to them was coming true. D and I walked on the beach, chit chatted, played with kids and drove back home. M and I talked idhar udhar ki baatein.

What I saw when we reached their home was – sheer beauty, they both worked in tandem – clearing the car, putting stuff back, turning on the laundry, kids taking showers, M going back out to pick up Pizza, kids eating pizza, watching Merlin.

Monday and Tuesday we took it easy – going to the park, Ruhaan’s soccer practice, I started to pack, taking them to pool, the incident at the pool with the swim goggles, dinner at Chilli’s, molten lava cakes, D and I – our late night walks. It was a pleasant time with them. Rohail had to be taken to the doc for his leg last day dinnu was so busy running around.

Snow 3/22 A very irresponsible - responsible one

OMG....like life is not hard and crazy enough, there are elements and dashes of sporadic reactions from people you are not really interacting with that threw me off the loop.

Go figure that shit out. I know I know like someone just wash my mouth soap the way I swear....

Snow days and SAP HANA upgrades, HOB project - and the zillion things i have on my mind are not helping. It feels like a race against time and I'm destroying everything. I want to have a Black Panther all by myself.

I just wanted to talk... huh!! That would have helped me ease.

Heading to Houston on Sunday to meet Sheebu - a connection to my dear life in Australia. 

Cary and Pittsburg in Philadelphia

What happens when cousins visit? A whole lot of love, driving around Philadelphia, enjoying biryani, eating at Pat's Cheesesteaks, bowling (I won, yay...woohoo...cheers to me dinga chika), forgetting we had kids to watch out for, throwing jabs at each other, and whole lot of LOVE. 

Dinnu drove from Cary and Annu flew from Pittsburg. I was so happy to have them. Thank you darlings muuaahh. March 10-12th, 2017. 

Find me if you can.....

I'm on a path to be a minimalist....things I don't need or don't serve a purpose....things/ stuff that are just sitting in my closet, garage, work overhang cabinets....they are starting to disgust me, like repulse me...really. When that thought comes to mind, I frantically look around and clear up whatever is in front of me. My desk is pretty clear, but I opened my overhang cabinet and saw a book that was never opened, and I'm like why why do i have this....i never even opened it. 

I thought I'll atleast glance in and take a peek...as I opened it, i found "Happiness". It brought a smile to my face. I liked that it was just waiting for me to find it. 

I had a dream that I didn't think of until I was in my closet picking my work clothes, and suddenly I was too caught up that I had that dream, I  met an old friend, he and I met in this crowded place seemed like a tourist place....It was good to see him. 

BTW, I heard of a new acronym today FBBFLUIUY - this had me in splits today. Muaah....xoxoxo