He and I

My split lip was just swollen enough to make a crooked smile, if my jaw wasnt hurting i didnt know what was, T's headbutt at 3 am felt like zizou's to marco in the last world cup. It just throbbed like f*****g hell.

But as i got into the car, i didnt know he was already in there. Unknowing of his presence, while driving on 202, with a hint of satire he spoke gently. i was mildly surprised but ready to listen and his voice drenched my flow of thought... i may have been driving, but my eyes were looking at windows of my life in hyde, gold coast and many many other times when he was there and i didnt realize it.

He speculated...

"aaj zindagi ke rubaroo aagaye

zindagi ne pucha dard kya hai,

kyon hota hai, kahan hota hai ye bhi tho nahi jaanta..

tanhai kya hai akhir, kithne log tho hai

phir tanha kyon ho,

mera chehra dekh kar zindagi ne kaha,

mein tumhari judwa hoon..

mujhse naaraaz na huwa kar..."

To each his own, but what poetic justice to the nucleus of life. Each word, each word depicting the baffle, the perplexity is beyond me. When she says ..Jeene kay liye socha hee nahi dard sambhal ne hongey...musku rau tho, musku raaney kay, karz uthar ne honge... it just hit north of home. While growing up, i felt so invincible, i couldnt be touched, very few survived the wrath of being close to me, and that never made me think that dealing with life comes with such growing pains.

The ironic part was, i heard him talk to me over the last decade or more, but when he spoke this time, it felt real, it felt like his words were sweeping my hair back and i didnt know what to say, with my eyes gazing at the windows of my life and my hands on the steering, i lightly nodded while barely trying to smile as my lips HURT.

As i turned the ignition off, pancham also powered off.

Thanks Gulzar ji.

Until next time i unexpectedly find him...khudahafeez...