I didnt want Tania to know i was working from home, so i was getting dressed as if I was coming in to work this am.
But it was so cute this am, she sits on the staircase and was lost deep in thought, i asked her whats up baby, and she asks me mamma how do "stairs come up"
she wanted to know that everyone takes stairs to go up and down, but if the staris had to go somewhere how would they do it, I was cracking up so hard I cant tell you ....
14th evening....The cute guy from vendor company came in at 3.45pm while listenng to him make an impression on everybody else i made a list of things I'd like to accomplish for my big day. I stare at the clock till 4.30 and couldn't wait a second longer, I leave for Ann Taylor - $207, stopped at Giant 136$ there, gave Tania a shower, made fish for dinner, washed dishes, fed kids, ate dinner and tucked Tania to bed, messaged back everyone who sent me wishes - ammi, anita maam, nitin, moyeed, naresh, - i dozed off or so i thought. - MY friends - ashi and nishi with V
I guess we all come to a point where things become clearer, you certainly look at things differently, you decide on things differently, but does it change who you are? No, so far I havent changed the way i feel about stuff, people. Am i little less apprehensive of how i am perceived, yes, much lesser. Does that mean i care less, umm hmm no, but it does mean i care more.
I'm learning to accept myself and not punish myself for it. Not beat myself for it....It is what it is and I'm ok with the fact that I cant change things, I cant repurpose life, I can repurpose myself, my perceptions and what I allow myself to be.
I'm ok with taking charge for initiating things to happen, if they happen or not, I'm willing to not be too overtaken by it.
Buying a home is surely proving to be a challenge. Losing 1063 was very hard, I imagined living there, the second I walked in, my child's mature way of thinking - made me feel like getting it all the more. 395 Turnberry - well that's a glam house, with all the bells and whistles...had everything we wanted, but i knew in the corner of my heart it isnt happening, or maybe i had too many apprehensions, the snow removal, the sloped yard, but yet it wowed me, the white kitchen sucked me into it :) When the stucco issues started to surface, all the red flags started to flap harder :) so there it went, we were still grieving about 1063 - our simple home. It reminded me of Australia. It reminded me of something I was before....
The Carriage path home - it has bit and pieces of what i like, but not the whole of it, so maybe if we spend fixing it up, maybe we'll get there. But it does looks a little bit of what i like. Dont know...dont know...
I miss dad, i wish things were smoother with my brother. I wish my mom was here! I wish 1063 on us :)
oh well... we'll find home soon...I love my home now, head over heels. But with kids growing and visiting family, we are just looking for now.
We are getting to ready at work to move to another building, we are packing, last night I felt like i was drowning, it was any normal evening, good time with kiddos, V, everyone was going in sync, but still i felt like i was punched out.
I couldnt shake the feeling off...
Dil ki baath na poocho dil tho aata rahega....
Late night when i was resting my head on the pillow, my phone rang, dinnu at that hour was unsual, she aske dhave you got the news, again i felt punched in my stomach. I was taken back to 506 Briar road in the kitchen listening to her voice mail...
She then told me about Zia bhaiyaa (ameena's husband / jilani mama's oldest)....
We all are just a memory...so be kind to yourself and people around you! Dont spread hate, dont spread rudeness, choose love always.
You pulled it off!!! I don't know how i did, and i actually dont want to know but I did. I can still hear the music and the feel the tap of foot.
It was Taran's 7 birthday on Sat Nov 22, then the thanksgiving dinners at home and friends homes, then tagging along with Girls to shopping, wrapping up big projects at work, and mostly, throwing the biggest party all by myself with help from lots of sources. Radhika, Ashi, Smitha, the DJ, Jane, Sandrien, Cake Guy, and everyone who came and danced at V's birthday party - it was just superb.
will be heading to india...after that to meet my darlings...
