Ashiyana

I guess we all come to a point where things become clearer, you certainly look at things differently, you decide on things differently, but does it change who you are? No, so far I havent changed the way i feel about stuff, people. Am i little less apprehensive of how i am perceived, yes, much lesser. Does that mean i care less, umm hmm no, but it does mean i care more.

I'm learning to accept myself and not punish myself for it. Not beat myself for it....It is what it is and I'm ok with the fact that I cant change things, I cant repurpose life, I can repurpose myself, my perceptions and what I allow myself to be.

I'm ok with taking charge for initiating things to happen, if they happen or not, I'm willing to not be too overtaken by it.

Buying a home is surely proving to be a challenge. Losing 1063 was very hard, I imagined living there, the second I walked in, my child's mature way of thinking - made me feel like getting it all the more. 395 Turnberry - well that's a glam house, with all the bells and whistles...had everything we wanted, but i knew in the corner of my heart it isnt happening, or maybe i had too many apprehensions, the snow removal, the sloped yard, but yet it wowed me, the white kitchen sucked me into it :) When the stucco issues started to surface, all the red flags started to flap harder :) so there it went, we were still grieving about 1063 - our simple home. It reminded me of Australia. It reminded me of something I was before....

The Carriage path home - it has bit and pieces of what i like, but not the whole of it, so maybe if we spend fixing it up, maybe we'll get there. But it does looks a little bit of what i like. Dont know...dont know...

I miss dad, i wish things were smoother with my brother. I wish my mom was here! I wish 1063 on us :)

oh well... we'll find home soon...I love my home now, head over heels. But with kids growing and visiting family, we are just looking for now.