Happy My birthday

Tania has been sick for past few days and the night before my bday she decided to wake up every half hour during night because she was hungry. I woke up like a zombie, but the handwritten and handmade cards by kiddos cheered me enough to keep up my best, and my new versace perfume. Somehow made to work, but all day, getting emails and messages from luna, bhaiya, samad, asad, yuva, rekha, carl, priya, ashi, deepa....it just made my day. Not being on FB has made it more authentic to celebrate and feel what i want to feel rather than ....whatever. I decided to survive the day and come back home. Just as sun dawned, all my friends...dropped in to surprise me with cake and gifts and it was awesome, felt very good. Phir, just the four of us went to dinner at PFChangs and had a blast, took a stroll later...it was just wonderful day. I thanked god for everything, especially the people and giving me an experience of a good day.

     

K class field trip

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Sneak a peek vid

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Sneak a peek

He's growing up fast and i'm reminded of it everyday from his mannerisms, his changing body, his clothes. First Grade !!! it's like life in official way has begun for him...my son is getting ready and prepped up to face the real world, life experiences will not spare him, the sweet, the sour, the harsh and rough waves will all embrace him and I need to be there for him, guide him, let him make mistakes, let him live it all. I'll always miss his childhood. I'm getting teary....All i know my doll is you are my love and you have given me the most precious gift of you being in my life. Learn life and soar high...be good and do good. Pics from sneak a peek on Aug 28th 2-3pm at MCH, Mrs. Skalski is his first grade teacher, i like her, she's personable. There's no air about her, she seems approchable :) Most of his Kindergarten friends are in other classes, except Owen, Connor and there are few from Mrs. Baer's class that he's familiar with. He didnt complain, so i'm not either.

At Bath, UK

This was such a fun whirlwind kinda trip.

July 29, 2006 i think 

Birthday Card

i just love him to bits....he makes my world go merry :) 

A lot of first's

Sept 2nd 2014, taran's first day of first grade school. He was so excited, i was a nerve wreck, it's official, he officiated his school life and it'll be something else to see him go through this. 

Around 4pm Eden left a message, that Taran was with her.....I was shocked, why is he with you, shouldnt he be in aftercare at school. Apparently he got in the bus and rode home and was just there at the bus stop. It was beyond my understanding...why and how he got on the bus and what was he going to do if eden wasnt there? I drove frantically....picked Tania up, picked taran up! In midst of my figuring out about this incident, we didnt get a chance to talk much about his first day at school. 

Breezed through some cooking, and rushed to first day of soccer practice at Thornbury park....the drive was halfway through to my work. Half hour through the practice, they wanted us to evacuate due to lighting and thunderstorm. The drive back home was very interesting, zero visibility, heavy rain, two kids in the back, driving on single lane roads....

Some moments of the roaring sky just before the storm hit! 

  

  

  

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look ahead

I read a pin – if you are feeling lonely you are in bad company. It's hard to admit but I know what that means, last sat aug 9^th I said to myself, no more, no more and no more, just look ahead, don’t look back!

i wish me luck!

Curiosity

An old friend was visiting Chicago from Hyd, as our custom to be in touch when we are “in the hood”, he called. After few missed calls we did touch base. In our usual teasing and throwing jabs at each other, he said something that made me feel good about myself.

There are stories, incidents, and many hours of time we all friends spend together in Gold Coast, Aus. In familiarity with that, one of them kept bugging N and took him back into memory lanes and flashbacks, which he wasn’t very happy about. He was sharing that convo with me, to offset it, I said “N, I want to know too, what happened, pls tell me because I’m so curious”….he replied “you know, linku, you don’t look like a curious person”!!! I smiled, we spoke of other important things in our lives and hung up after few minutes.

But something about what he said and how he said, struck me. In such moments it dawns that how we portray ourselves and how we speak – leaves an impression of who and what we are. He’s right, I’m not curious, I never was, I take people as they come and let them go, I hope they know what I mean in their lives. When friends in a relationship break up, its sad but it's their calling, I couldn't choose one over the other, they both are wonderful friends in my life and I couldn't pass one over the other. So I chose to be friends with both, yet I never spoke about one to the other. We shared moments as new friends with new members of family. But I couldn't be the awkward influence of the past. I’m glad I did, everyone I know is in a good place in their lives and I’m good friends with all.

Relief

I have deactivated FB since last sat – aug 9^th, after a huge epiphany that sat afternoon. I haven’t missed it since, actually there’s huge relief….as I was planning a friend’s baby shower  and i had to re-login to get in touch with few girls. Except that I didn’t feel the urge or the curiosity to. I’m surprised that it’s not bothering me, its saving me tons of time and I feel lighter not having to know all the goings on.

Butterfly

This morning, Taran, did not want to go to the camp, he wanted to stay home and kept asking me to work from home, I couldn’t, I feel so crappy when i say no to him. Time is slipping by, he is growing up and the choices we make, make it harder to spend quality bonding time. I hate myself for that,i hope someday he’ll know what I mean.

Tania knows when i'm leaving, and gets very upset! Her crying and sad droopy face...is hard to get past! the woes of working mom are too pricey! I love you much my loves...

On my way to work, I heard Matthew Hussey’s interview on Elvis Duran show and felt like sharing what I heard. It’s dating advice interpreted as a story about a butterfly. There are three kind of human behaviors and patterns. 

In one instance when a exotic thing as a butterfly lands in a person’s hand, some don’t even have time to look at the beauty and wonder of  a butterfly so the butterfly leaves…it goes away, it knows it's not valued.

In the second instance, when the butterfly lands in a person’s hand, the person is so terrified that such a beautiful thing finally landed with them, that they hold it tight, so what happens to the butterfly in such case…. it gets squished or it tries to look for creaks to escape.

In the last instance, when the butterfly lands in a person’s hand, the person puts his other hand around the butterfly to shield it from the wind.

When you are with someone – that person and you should be like that to each other. You both would know what I mean when the right time comes, until then don’t waste your time with people who cant lend the kind hand or be the butterfly in your lives.

http://www.elvisduran.com/media/play/love-advice-matthew-hussey-dishes-about-24539286/

In the same show, he talked about people who are always teasing as being playfully teasing - and how that can be very exhausting. Yet, there are some who are always so earnest and intense, that it can get boring....wow! Neither is a good thing, the balance of knowing when to be teasing and plyaful and when to be earnest is the tie breaker. 

I wish that for both my kids. My experiences are coming in at a steep cost and leading to dead ends, and not knowing the wealth of information and life experinces out there, is taking me many steps back. 

Rain

It rained all night and through a good part of the morning, I couldn't help but feel that even gods and the skies cry - when Robin Williams is gone.

I saw a movie of his when i was in Australia, something about what came across on the screen to me, left a deep impression in my young mind. I love him since....when i read the news as much as it shocked me, i understand how it feels sometimes with darkness of life that is beyond comprehension.

It seems like since dad passed away, all good in life is going away behind him. Just chill biting reality is left behind for us mortals.

PS: I just looked up, its "Jack", the name of the movie that i saw in Brisbane.

In an interview with Robin Williams.Asked whether he was happier in his life, he responded "I think so. And not afraid to be unhappy. That's OK too. And then you can be like, all is good. And that is the thing, that is the gift."

Life seems longer than ever before, now....

Life seems longer than ever before, now....

I wish I could rest my head on my dads lap while he's reading and he has his other hand in my hair...
I wish I can tip toe in the room while my Ammi is doing her namaaz...
I wish I can see the pride in my Jijju's eyes when he talks about my nephews
I wish I could see my sister race a marathon....
I wish I could see v direct his movie...
I wish t to have a beautiful love story...
I wish I had bottled a voice...
I wish I could see .....

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From oct 23, 2010

A 7.10 to Vermont...

This is from few months ago, june 16th, 2010....a draft left drafted, though it's late...i'll be true to the thoughts here as always and wont change a thing.

Monday saw me stretch myself to the point that i was almost hoping i'd wrap sooner and head back from NY, but while i was there i was hoping i'd run into anyone i know. But lo, it gave my pride much needed strokes, when someone approached me to ask directions to go to Madison Sq. Garden, thinking i was a new yorker, hell, u cant deny that i'm a new yorker by heart, i'm a philadelphian by heart, i'm hydi by heart, but my heart is much more capable of just being a city. huh...good one

For being a little cocky and late as usual, i paid in full by missing my earlier train back home. What a good thing, i got in the next one the 7.10 to vermont, and met this amazing person with such a smooth voice, i could have fallen asleep but what he was saying, what i was listening, what i was sharing was so amazing.... i wished it wasnt him...but it was him, it is the person you want to meet, see, talk to. The next 2 hrs just breezed away like the train whizzing past.

With the sun flashing at me directly, i was shielding myself with my hands and he said i looked great that way... i just smiled. i was hungry, he kindly offered to go to amtrak's little restaurant cabin at the end of the cabins, but i refused.

He and i then talked about books, music...oh this was the best part...he talked abt how the composition of music is so amazing that he knows how to make a beat, vainly i said, i dont get the science behind making a beat, but i know one, when i hear one....so he says the most surprising thing, u must love to dance then...i couldnt beleive he said that. i beamed, its true i love to dance, i dance while cooking, i dance while washing dishes, i didnt tell him all that but ...he nodded knowing...there are 2 ways a person enjoys the nature of music....aahh...

then came spirituality....i mentioned the book "Shack", which i found profoundly inspiring. It's about god, forgiveness, and all that...he shared his sony reader "What we ache for" by Oriah Dreamer...i sorely missed something that i returned recently....me sorry doll.

Aisey waisey....baton baton mein...i said it's gorgeous out today, he had his work laptop out, pointing to it, he said "this part is easy", then he pointed out to the window and said that "part is hard, beautiful but hard", i rested my hand on my chest, just wanting to be close to myself, when he said, "that part is hard too, matters of heart", i affirmed "you mean love", "girl we should have started this conversation when the train started"....buss...

we talked, wondered what actually it meant...after a long conversation, he summed what i felt, it's a connection, it's when you let someone grow, it humbles you, you do irrational things, it's not physical, it's not mental, it's a connection.

30th was arriving in 20 minutes, they annouced. i had to get off there, he was heading to delaware, we wished we had more time to talk.

the best part was....when we shared the sunset through the train window, like kids, we pointed excitedly as the sun was playing peek-a-boo...without pretensions i told him, what kinda music i liked, i think thats when the conversation about beat and dance came along.

Talking about sunsets, i told him, i live in a corner lot, i see sunsets almost on a daily basis, but i dont pay attention to them now, he said, you need to step back...i said that should be a caption for an ad.

Step back huh...

End to begin

hmm...i'm bored...

As he sat in the passenger seat of the car next to her, they both didn't know what to say to each other, except that they were quite taken that life brought them back to each other one more time.

Like always he instinctively ran his fingers through her hair. As much as she was caught off guard, she didn't stop him as the familiarity of the situation wasn't startling.

As his fingers touched the scalp the memories of days left behind gushed to her. She wanted to ask him what does he remember of those days gone by, but couldn't muster the idea or words to frame them in.

She kept driving and he kept talking of his days now... Until it was time to say good bye.

A story that saw its end even before it started....

--- i like this...it's authentic...i dont know why i didnt post it...go breathe the life...


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