My ammi and i planted this last summer in my garden. A love's promise :) how apt.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Psuedo-real life
kabhi Aisa hua hai...
I feel it, I know it and instead if shooing it away, I go along with it. A thought taps on my shoulder, a memory brushes past me, like a small hint of cold air, a chill down my spine, a ache in my heart and I feel a touch, a hug, a whisper....I know for a fact that I'm alone and yet these vibes come to me. I fear of sounding dramatic, but maybe the films are based on real people. But then this is the first time, im giving this whole process the privilege of the written word.
So instead of letting them go, I tap back at them, I smile, I have full length conversations in thin air with myself and the the thought of a person. People I haven't spoken to in ages, people I miss gut wrenchingly bad, people I lost touch with, celebs I adore aka hrithik, saif, g. Clooney, my ex-bosses, gulzar Saab, ghalib, you (my blog), taran when I'll drop him at dorm and also things that I couldn't muster up to say, I do now.
These convs fuel a lot of what I channel inside myself, thoughts that'll never see the light of their day. But in this Psuedo- real life, sometimes the line becomes fuzzier but I quite love my quirky world. I'm the victim and the adventurer.
I feel it, I know it and instead if shooing it away, I go along with it. A thought taps on my shoulder, a memory brushes past me, like a small hint of cold air, a chill down my spine, a ache in my heart and I feel a touch, a hug, a whisper....I know for a fact that I'm alone and yet these vibes come to me. I fear of sounding dramatic, but maybe the films are based on real people. But then this is the first time, im giving this whole process the privilege of the written word.
So instead of letting them go, I tap back at them, I smile, I have full length conversations in thin air with myself and the the thought of a person. People I haven't spoken to in ages, people I miss gut wrenchingly bad, people I lost touch with, celebs I adore aka hrithik, saif, g. Clooney, my ex-bosses, gulzar Saab, ghalib, you (my blog), taran when I'll drop him at dorm and also things that I couldn't muster up to say, I do now.
These convs fuel a lot of what I channel inside myself, thoughts that'll never see the light of their day. But in this Psuedo- real life, sometimes the line becomes fuzzier but I quite love my quirky world. I'm the victim and the adventurer.
Heartwarming
I'm a part of my moms story and she a part of her cousins childhood lives. In a long about way, I was deemed part of thier lives too.
There are so many stories we are a part of, sometimes without your active part in it you live those lives in those stories. One such story started many many decades ago, when my grandma (my naani) passed away when my mom was a little girl. For a large part she grew up at her mama's home. I feel a rawness when i think of my grandma whom i'm named after.
Anyway, all her cousins she grew up with live in CT, so that story took me on a drive to meet my mama, mami, khala's and khalasaabs in West Port, CT. All 3 cousins of my mom, and one in Boston. Sunday was chosen as the day for all of us to meet. So now I was scratching my head wondering what would we take for someone who has everything, who has lived here for more than 4 decades. After little thought and browsing old mags, i figured nothing like a homemade cake or bread. Shopped for loaf pans, tea napkins and scouted my basement for twine and ribbons. And lo! this is what i made....
There are so many stories we are a part of, sometimes without your active part in it you live those lives in those stories. One such story started many many decades ago, when my grandma (my naani) passed away when my mom was a little girl. For a large part she grew up at her mama's home. I feel a rawness when i think of my grandma whom i'm named after.
Anyway, all her cousins she grew up with live in CT, so that story took me on a drive to meet my mama, mami, khala's and khalasaabs in West Port, CT. All 3 cousins of my mom, and one in Boston. Sunday was chosen as the day for all of us to meet. So now I was scratching my head wondering what would we take for someone who has everything, who has lived here for more than 4 decades. After little thought and browsing old mags, i figured nothing like a homemade cake or bread. Shopped for loaf pans, tea napkins and scouted my basement for twine and ribbons. And lo! this is what i made....
 |
| My homemade Pumpkin spice bread
Last sat am i started my share of baking, then let it cool down to finish the icing, then used my magic wand to wrap them up.
|
 |
| After I wrapped them up ! Last sat am i started my share of baking, then let it cool down to finish the icing, then used my magic wand to wrap them up. |
 |
| PA to CT |
Sun early morning, as V left for SF, ammi, T and I drove for 3 1/2 hrs to meet uncles and aunts that i have never met, but only spoke to and heard of. the best part is
Deepika P
I want this...it's not fair that she's so pretty, and gets to wear all this fab clothes, no no no!!! ha ha...really love this outfit.
Sweet....
I heard this song on my cassette (which i sneaked from my friend in Madras, it's another memory of another time.) All i can say about this is, it reminded me of that day when i was in college, the fewer words the better it is ;) muffakham jah Eng college in banajara hills, a distant relative trying very hard to make an impression on me, took me and another cousin to his farewell day at his college.
Since he caught me waddling time in front of TV, he convinced my dad to take us to his farewell party at his engineering college. My dad didnt see any harm in it, since i had company of another cousin, i was like what the heck, and as we cracked jokes made fun of his casual attire etc, as we reached, all his fan club were very surprised to see me there.
I was extremely cool headed then i just ignored all the gals and sat under a tree lit with fairy lights with my other cousin. As all thier farewell programmes were unwrapping all the gals wanted my cousin to sing. By popular demand he gets on stage and starts singing, this very song, and you should see the rest of the gals around me giving me the looks. I was like oh no no no! i was red with furious......its not what you think, he's not singing...for me. No no...i was barely 18 then.... now as i think of it, i just laughed my heart out on the drive. He's now divorced, re-married and is a proud dad of 2 kids.
Few years ago, my mom and i went to see his ailing mom, and we offered support and bid good byes. People change over the course of years. Life beats the shit out of us and we start to look tired, he looked kinds something like that.
women
hmm....this is not easy to talk about, sometimes, i wonder why things that seem clearer from a third persons view is so fizzled when you are in the situaion yourself.
Why is it that as people we fail to raise to the occasion when most needed for ourselves.
Are circumstances really so compelling, why is it hard to fathom a change in life?
Why and what do we fear?
Why is social acceptance and reputation a deciding factor in improving your life....
The last few months when i zoned out, i came across one women who stayed couple of nights at my place as i was trying to accommodate a cousins request. Jo bhi, something abt my demenor or what i dont know, people find it easy to talk to me, over cup of my chai, over somehow open thier darkest ghost closets and tell me stuff.
And then few weeks ago, my mom was sharing something that happened to a very close relative of ours, my aunt. Both these women had something in common, they are in relationships with spouses who blatantly abuse them, physically, mentally, verbally, these women have children who witness this day in and out, they have aging parents who want a better life for them, these are people who have facades of deep rooted beliefs in god.
then again today, i was shared of a story of a young woman who is seeking divorce for the second time in her short 28 yrs of life.
While some women are so protective of things that are dubious, the others are throwing it away. I'm not here to police their moral choices, i'm not here to judge them, what triggers my post is....is it the family upbringing, is it the pressure of society, or is a persons.....
(huh such an old post...)
Why is it that as people we fail to raise to the occasion when most needed for ourselves.
Are circumstances really so compelling, why is it hard to fathom a change in life?
Why and what do we fear?
Why is social acceptance and reputation a deciding factor in improving your life....
The last few months when i zoned out, i came across one women who stayed couple of nights at my place as i was trying to accommodate a cousins request. Jo bhi, something abt my demenor or what i dont know, people find it easy to talk to me, over cup of my chai, over somehow open thier darkest ghost closets and tell me stuff.
And then few weeks ago, my mom was sharing something that happened to a very close relative of ours, my aunt. Both these women had something in common, they are in relationships with spouses who blatantly abuse them, physically, mentally, verbally, these women have children who witness this day in and out, they have aging parents who want a better life for them, these are people who have facades of deep rooted beliefs in god.
then again today, i was shared of a story of a young woman who is seeking divorce for the second time in her short 28 yrs of life.
While some women are so protective of things that are dubious, the others are throwing it away. I'm not here to police their moral choices, i'm not here to judge them, what triggers my post is....is it the family upbringing, is it the pressure of society, or is a persons.....
(huh such an old post...)
Falling out
Unadulterated pure sweetness is what my son is. It just baffles me, how loyal and thoughtful he is. Esp so when I see other kids atleast show signs of street wise smartness, some clever attitude, with him; he doesn't understand it, I get scared of how I should teach him to be tough boy. I don't want to change a kids natural tendencies, but I was so ill prepared for a situation that I didn't see coming. As a result when I'm guiding my shona baby sort thru emotions we realize as first time parents we are sorting our own emotions too. Can't help being protective, yet raising the bar to be objective and teach the right thing is a struggle between a cool headed mom and a hurting protective mom.
God help me in showing him the right way.
Sent from my iPhone
God help me in showing him the right way.
Sent from my iPhone
Off Or On ??
"Whoever is in trouble why r they on the hook?" asks my bubba.
ha ha... i forgot all about posting this. ha ha so funny. In my constant grilling and being a mom yelling at my then 4 and half yo son, i'd keep saying you are not off the hook taran, you ar enot.
So one day he asks me....that. Why are people in trouble on the hook???? ha ha ... i still cant stop at his cuteness. i know i know only a mom would find this funny but hi this is my blog and i intend to post my cute stuff.
Sent from my iPhone
ha ha... i forgot all about posting this. ha ha so funny. In my constant grilling and being a mom yelling at my then 4 and half yo son, i'd keep saying you are not off the hook taran, you ar enot.
So one day he asks me....that. Why are people in trouble on the hook???? ha ha ... i still cant stop at his cuteness. i know i know only a mom would find this funny but hi this is my blog and i intend to post my cute stuff.
Sent from my iPhone
Pip, Estella..
what can i say, a book of my dad's, lying promiscuously in my library, i had nothing to lay my hands on to read. So i picked this up. No no no...the book picked me up.Its torn, its old, its full of life, its a book worth spending perfect summer days on....its a book that'll walk you through your life as it walks through the characters lives.
I related to the sand-stillness of time, the growing pains, the misunderstanding, the love, the hate, the pain. The imperfections in the perfect lives is beautiful. Thank you baba!
Cold!!
Just when I think, I've found a groove to conquer my day, slam bam wham! All goes out the window.
Actually two things happened, I was hurt and I'll be dismally doing what I hired help for.
i hired a lady to clean my home, the last she was here, i was so preoccupied with planning my sons b'day, i didnt get to talk much with her. She assumed i was giving her the cold shoulder for not acknowledging her work. So she texts me to say, she took on more work since she started working at my place and wont be coming to my home. huh!!!!
I'm hurt, not because she quit on my, but she texted to quit on me. REally...is that all that is worth. People have no guts to face up.
I'm hurt because, in my years of life on this planet, I still can't grasp how people can be cold as a cube and cut the cord of connections. It just simply baffles me.
No word, no personal touch, just a cold text or worse yet just puffing off in air.
Wanting to be a better person I know of self, I thanked her for coming to help me out when i needed the most, which I clearly should not even have and wished her best.
Once again I was a victim of such cold attitude that it figuratively fucked up my day.
Sent from my iPhone
Actually two things happened, I was hurt and I'll be dismally doing what I hired help for.
i hired a lady to clean my home, the last she was here, i was so preoccupied with planning my sons b'day, i didnt get to talk much with her. She assumed i was giving her the cold shoulder for not acknowledging her work. So she texts me to say, she took on more work since she started working at my place and wont be coming to my home. huh!!!!
I'm hurt, not because she quit on my, but she texted to quit on me. REally...is that all that is worth. People have no guts to face up.
I'm hurt because, in my years of life on this planet, I still can't grasp how people can be cold as a cube and cut the cord of connections. It just simply baffles me.
No word, no personal touch, just a cold text or worse yet just puffing off in air.
Wanting to be a better person I know of self, I thanked her for coming to help me out when i needed the most, which I clearly should not even have and wished her best.
Once again I was a victim of such cold attitude that it figuratively fucked up my day.
Sent from my iPhone
Fall from my window
Love you honey bunny for making life interesting.
How can a lorry
My ammi taught my son lots of things only a grandma can teach. One of them is "I dont have a lorry to carry your sorry"...pretty corky but hi! i'm not getting in my moms way. i once paid for that with my life, i dont have another one to spend so i shut up.
Somewhere in the middle of doing something, taran has an "Aha" moment and asks me...."but mamma, how a lorry carry sorry, arent they a persons words?"
Precious my darling, exactly my point. I'm glad you figured it out....but in all seriousness i love when things click in kids heads and they just blurt it out.
Field trip lunch bag
This is my art work, from summer of 2012, taran's summer camp. On his field trip day, i'd do some silly drawing of the theme of that field trip on his brown lunch bag. His teachers miss megan and miss erin, would always look forward to my drawings, and taran use to love showing them off to his friends.... i dont think he'll ever know the love i have for him.
My son teaches me to express and show love in simple ways, that i feel is too much for my image. He cracks the tough exterior so effortlessly that i wonder why do i chose to behave a certain way in some situations.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
LinkWithin
