I swear...if only

grrh....

i feel like....crashing something....

i dont know what to do.....

i feel this volcanic sense of....

its taking a lot to be calm....

so uncharacteristic of me...

i feel so jumpy...

i feel so unreasonable...

i'm so mad ...best part dont know at what, at whom...i, me, myself...

i need some rest, just a little bit.

Aye Zindagi Gale Lagaa Le

When my mom is not driving me nuts, she just brightens my day like nobody else....she tells me about this girl, milky akkas cousin went to see for his marraige proposal and few days later, she packs her bags and comes over to rjy to convince him that they have to marry since she's so in love with him, and the guy was like what! we met only once, so she then calls milky akka and stays over at her place for like 2 days....so i'm very curious about the verdict there.

another sotry about that maid next door who climbed our wall to pick up the papaya that fell off of our papaya tree and when mom asks her why didnt she just come thru the gate and ask her, she could have given her the papaya, ulta that maid starts raising her voice to claim that she was there only to pick the fruit (from our garden btw) and not to steal.....my mom was like "linku i dont get it why did she have to climb over the wall" ha ha ha...

Looks like i've been cursed with something y'day, after going through a whole box of kleenex, sneezing and tucking the tissues in my robe....and dealing with full on energetic taran, i resorted to wine that i bought for myself. Warning for next time: please dont drink when you have awful cold and temperature, not a good combo. dont know how i fed my poor baby....i'm forever grateful to Pixar guys for ever making Kung Fu Panda....

The only thing i hate most seems to be around the corner, a sore throat. Thanks Priya and moddu, for your vote of confidence and suggesting i stay away from my baby.

Tho sleeping on the couch, with all the electronic glare from all the stuff, wasnt fun....but it was alright, with my running nose, cough, i couldnt help but remember my mom, no occasional kicks from taran...just me, the electronic glares, the couch and the soft throw....uff...

i feel asleep to "aye zindagi gale lagaa le" from sadma.

Remind me again...

its one of those days, no matter what you do, things just go crazy, with a capital C.

With old torn jeans, the most forgiving grey tee, frizzy hair and a tyke who's got a new take on whining, biting me, throwing all the cereal on the floor, asking me for zillionth time if he could eat pasta, while the rice is almost on its way, throwing my cutlery behind the couch, pulling stuff out of cabinets.... and i stand amidst all this craziness....and wonder what did i sign up for?? Dont know where to start all the cleaning up from...kidhar se shooru karoon.

All this and i havent yet started making his dinner, feeding him, prep for his lunch tomorrow....the sink is so full, and the dishwasher is not unloaded yet. bloody hell....i need a fairy to help me. Most of all i want the voices to be down.

In my mind, i've escaped to backwaters somewhere, just want to curl up and read a book...and fall asleep talking to my dad. Miss you dearly baba....

Apna gham leke kahin aur na jaya jaye (Jagjit Singh)

Does your name suit you??

Hmm....my formal name suits me for my royal persona, but my nick name suits my fun half better but what my colleagues butcher my name and call me taz, immi, are like really out there, i let them...becoz no matter what they call, they are still calling me na...as long as they dont tag a bad word to it!

Tho anyway, in my "i should be sleeping but i really cant" moments, i thought of my college days, this conversation i had in a bakery with this reputed pastry chef, helping him eat the yummy confectioneries he was whipping out. He started saying you know, our names drive a lot of our fate.

I was too young to even ponder on it, but i asked him out of curiosity what he meant, well...he said, how you behave, how you feel, how you respond to people, what you think, what you dont think... a lot of it can be said just by a name. I was so impressed by it and he actully told me what kind of a person i was....like a tom boyish, adventurous...aur bhi bohuth kuch...

Coincidentally, the very next day, on radio's elvis duran show, i heard them talking about how Missy & Danny with a Y sounds fun, but really guys want to meet Missi & Danni with a I becoz she's just loose, and you can get down with her...wow i couldnt help but laugh out loud so hard, it was too funny.

behka behka....

i was totally jamming to this song today....like totally, so had to look it up to see the vid. He's so cute though ....

I needed to pep up after all the waiting at the tires plus...that beer bellied white dude just thought i had a lot of time, and was under the assumption that i was in a good mood. After two hours waiting (i totally suck at waiting, i had to since he had my car!!), and deflating my wallet, he wants me to fix so many things before i could even get the inspection done, i was like buzz off dude.

Cant believe, my son's growing up so fast.

Where shall i start !

middle of the night i remembered, i got myself a sky diving b'day gift few years ago, that day on my b;day weather didnt permit, since then a lot of other elements didnt permit. it's been few years now, i wonder where did i file it away. i still remember 2 yrs ago, a bunch of us at work, were all ready, the same weather came back our way and we didnt do it.

i think, to kick start rediscovering myself i think i should go for it, maybe i;ll ask some of my brave friends. and what abt that kick boxing classes, i think i was short of time, i once asked my ex-boss if she wanted to join me, she looked at me and said "do you see how short i'm?", i still remember that conversation...funny deb.

Count Hate

So my next door neighbour's gal janya and my tyke taran were playing y'day in my yard and as any little girl does she was saying how this one friend of her can draw so well, how she loves to play with kids of any age, and then she said this one friend of hers hates to play with little kids.

I was like, no janya beta, hate is a big word. I dont think you should use it. She did the sweetest thing then, she started counting the letters hate on her fingers and she retorted abck to me saying no it's not a big word.

That innocence was so pure and beautiful, i cant explain in words. I swiftly laughed my heart out and explained how that word means a lot more than just counting on fingers.

Kids are the greatest teachers in the world, we just have to be open to them.

Mates!

Is there any such thing like soul mates...does this concept really hold water ....are we all destined to be ?? I personally feel that is one baloney. I came across somethign abt it y'day on yahoo dashboard and it made me think, so i looked it up, wiki came up with some mystical opinions and a hell lot more. I went on to read more, there seems to be common consensus that soul mates are married couples.

first thing to imagine that your partner will be everything you want, everything you had imagined where you find that final peace, resting moment with one person is like a major illusion, i'm not saying there isnt anybody out there, all i'm saying i havent come across anyone yet. I dont know, i;ve had this conversations with my friend priya and moddu i call, fortunately they agree with me.

I'd like to beleive that soul mates have nothing to do with being married to that person. I dont know, that's my opinion. I feel that at every step of our blossoming and experiencing life, a little bit of our soul grows up and appropriately changes too. To pin that kind of pressure and hope on one person is blowing out of proportion, maybe when i'll meet real life soul mates, i;m willing to change my opinion.

I feel as we are growing, we associate a bit of our soul to another persons life or thier persona, the way 2 or more people feel connected no matter what. that connection, in my opinion, captures a little bit of what being a soul mate is built up to be.

to each their own, no matter how we look, or feel, even if the connection is from only one side, that part of giving life to that connection doesnt just expire, it goes on to live and survive it's own course.

The little bits and pieces of who i'm and what i'll be, cant be found in one person, atleast so far it hasnt been that way. I'm ok with that, my closest friends who have tolerated and come to see me in real harsh light of life and accepted me and still fell knee deep to make things better are true soul mates...

I have few, and i love them to bits for that. Nothing will change that...yet we dont stop our tracks from building other new connections. I'm open for life to throw surprises so that i can be that connection. Because that connection brings hope, brings that smile, humbles you, loves you to make you realize that you are never alone, not even once.

Mai aur meri

 

tanhayee aksar ye baathen karthey hain....

by god, kya mast bani hai....

after sunita started saying something abt shrimp, my stomach started growling, so i called this chinki restaurant i've been wanting to try in my neighbourhood, but lo! they dont deliver, aisey kaisey....yaar. I cant just pick a kid in between his kung fu panda and his tightly held new bumbabee (transformer) he calls, that he got from his pagal friend. That is just WRONG on so many levels, i thought, so i braced myself....

and opened the refrigerator, scoured around, picked what i needed and zip zap zoom, a lit bit there a little here, i think rachel ray would be kinda proud of me. Jo bhi ho, tasty banee hai meri egg fried rice. What a perfect moment this is? taran at sleep, ghar khali, me, my fave food, i think i'll check out wake up sid and chill, thodey dost hothey tho aur bhi maaza aa jatha, but i do pretty well alone too. maybe i'll check ddlj, here i come shahrukh....sehra saaja ke rakhna, chehra chupa ke rakhna, lene tujhey o gori, ayengey terey ....

Aaj kal

i stare at my widely opened refrigerator for good 40 seconds before i realize that i actually wanted something from pantry...

I walk into grocery store without my wallet, and walk back cursing myself...

making frequent trips

shamelessly singing aloud my playlist songs and not caring if someone actually minds it.

snacking on my son's go-gurt's, when he's not in the room.

i'm listening to this one song over and over and over again....

spending more time downloading music, barely watching tv,

not picking my running shoes, pillows strewn across the floor (i was labelled once monica from friends, no really)

Feel the shadow, the breeze....

feel like heading out for an ice cream with my doll friends, priya and sunita.

feel like maxing out my credit card, buy jimmy choo shoes,

driving my car a little faster,

jamm with my shona baby

run away to a vacation with V

i'm now listing things on my palm, instead of a post it, much easier, except when you are driving it's little faded. but hey what the heck right !!

sleeping less, eating less, working out more...

paying less attention....

hope my new chip in the block will last longer than i think, esp, after sunita said, you use to be so fun, aisey lagtha tha kay iss bandi ko phir milna hai! i was like what...so i'm going to be less organized and more unorganized !! ha whatever

WWUD

i was watching some show and made me think if i was to date one person live or passed, who would that be and what would i order?

hmm....firstly i need more than one date, i'd have to start with George Clooney, John Abraham !!! Saif Ali Khan, Will Smith and Gandhi. And every time i'd order kebabs with grilled vegetables ; )

next one, is it better to have been loved and lost, or never been loved?

never loved.

Which authors books can you read over and over again?

Maeve Binchy.

finally who let the dogs out??

has to be neighbors cute kids.

i just realized, my darn blog makes no sense, but that's why i call it JLT.

by god!

 

Cleaning up his bunny milk covered toy cars, spills on the floor, changing shoes umpteenth time, i couldnt help but realize what stark difference it is before you have the little devils and after. I mean i cant belive my sense of home decor is now dictated by his choice of toys, which end up on my window sill, i mean i totally respect master chifu and tiger and the darling panda. I mean i only watch it once a day even after my son has gone to bed.

Some of his toy cars end up with my cutlery, my clock gets misplaced for a week, DVD's are scratched beyond repair, precious pictures are torn, the water dispenser in the refrigerator is locked, we resort to tap water !!! really, by god, it's crazy, i've to make strategies of when to open the door, how to close the garage door with minimum sound...it's taken a lot of patience and hell lotta love to reorg our lives for my sweet devil child.

but most of all i've slowly learned to not to sweat it...

Life's little instruction book

In my kitchen, next to the stove, i have my dad's picture, under his picture, i have a book he once gave me, or maybe i sneaked it out of his library. I randomly open and see what was it that i meant to have happened on for that day.

Today, as i opened, i read this one instruction no 222. Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret (....darn it, i wish i had opened it this am, i'm always late)

tho i thought chalo, coincidence, move on, turn to another random page, this couldnt have been more truer instruction no 245. Never cut what can be untied.

Wow, that is beautiful.

they are here!

 

I was surprised in a sweet way, my tulips are here, when i see my tulips coming back each year, it just makes me feel on toppa world for few seconds. It feels like, yeah, i kinda wanna hangout with you, so i came back types....acha hai.

 

And these decided to survive somehow, maybe they had to, i was skeptical when i was planting them, but they are still here, so that says something, right. Even after a lot of hardship, it stayed.

This reminds me of the days when my mom would ask me to water plants and take a soft cotton cloth to wipe the leaves, and while i'm at it, she'd say dont forget to talk to them, they like to hear from you. i was like yeah sure, but when no one was looking i would tell all abt my school stuff to those plants. wow, my mom is such a nut. I call her after my gym and she asks me do you do work out like sweat it out or do you just breeze in and out....i was like mom stop it, i'm a grown up, dont u thin i'd have figured simple things by this time.

Had to

 

Couldnt resist them, they were calling my name, so i treated myself with these lovely bright bunch. They are blooming in my living room with such mild fragrance, hmmm....i'm loving it, and dancing to this hard kaur no. trying to find my groove back couldnt have been started better- rab nu dikha de..., nach ke dikade thu soniya!