Where do you draw

the strength from...what makes you think sane, live sane, be sane, what makes you tolerate life's little and big unfairness. Is it a "happy place", a person, a kid, a hot cuppa tea, music, paintings, a familiar stranger, a voice across the oceans, a pet, a movie...something kuch bhi....or does it evolve as we go, as we grow, as we move in different compartments of life. 


For the longest time i've known, it has been my baba, my dad for me, for him i've tried to let my life seem livable for me, for him i'd make my life work, since he's gone, i'm dwindling, since he's gone, i'm so darn lost. 


For a brief moment, it seemed like i was not so lost, but then in my heart i'm....in my heart i'll never reveal, in my heart i'm a stranger to myself who'll let peek once in a blue moon...the rest is just one long night where stars shine bright like distant pebbles in water under sun. 


Listening to the droll humm of the dishwasher....


aaj kuch gana nahi merey play list mein...

all 3

My new swanky fossil watch (well its not really a new one, but not a old one too, it's just timeless) snugs well on my wrist and has been for the past few weeks. Totally diggin it. Aaj lunchmein dorito chips, by god, my body will just refuse me as my mind is going round and round....i need a good old smoothie, but chai se mana lethi hoon. Koi tho lao meri chai, bewakoof.  

I came across these secrets y'day and couldnt shake them off my mind, so what do i do best when i need to remember, i come to you babe. I even had a awesome dream, what with all the bike ride, black and white pliad shirt, under the big old tree in the front yard of my apt bldg in rjy...wah. thanks but jo bhi ho...

the first secret is really a kinda feeling i always wondered,  i remember some, some are so distant, some are so sweet, some are so heart breaking, some are so loving.... a song, a movie, certain foods, some gestures, some special days....whatever be it some of these moments are always close to you no matter where you are, who you are with, what you do....they just bring a smile and warm feeling to your heart, and u know you are ok. 

the second one, well, i had a similar experience few weeks ago and when i saw this one, i was wow'ed! while i was sweating and listening to Ishqiya's ab mujhey intezaar kahan, the entirety, the longing in her voice something made them little salty thingies drip over my cheeks,  i was first embarassed that others might notice, but when i tried and couldnt help it, i let them flow and didnt care if anyone else saw.

the third one is a realy sweet one, i dont wear contacts, but love the way the secret person feels that way, and here we are, with and without contacts, we take things, people for granted, we dont pay attention and feel the beauty in the daily things of our life. I know i kinda go back and forth on it, but oflate have been just missing the beat. 

A dear friend and i had a nice long chat and talked all about what we should have done when we had our bets straight. Someother life, she said, boy tha's too long was my reply. Men are just too .....well to each his own. 

Love you baby. Listen to this one, Kahin to hogi duniya..... splitting headache, gtg.

Kaisa khuda hai tu

nothing like splitting bourbon ciscuit in half and licking the cream off it, and then finishing off the rest. love it love it love it. My baby jaan gave me one and i couldnt refuse it. yumm, yumm, yumm...

sometimes dont we all feel like we are in a love hate realtionship with forces of world, and natures of god. I do, i especially do, it's like i'm some sort of pet peeve, God in my world he or she, wants to find out how i'll rise above and "let the show run".... wow, if my last blog wasnt a premonition of what i had coming, then i didnt know i'd feel this good. All ths in a matter of few hours, days...whatever. but like the gods of the worlds, or my dad maybe silently want to see me....chalo chodo yaar...

We danced around our life moments, the cracks from friday seem to bring in light and maybe it'll fill in ok. then my duffer friends arrive....just what i needed.

OMG, sunita is totally like a siren, i had no idea of. So she thinks i let alone dont look myself, thinks i dont sound myself, ram thinks i have lost weight, YAY to that, so Vamsi chimes in to say I've been working out! ha ha...then the gastronomical tour starts for the rest of weekend, omg, can we whip up some bad unhealthy food. Jeez...

Then sunita and i went on a major retail therapy, Pier 1 got the most out of me. Like a day you cant forget, i tried to mark it the best way i can and we headed to King of Prussia. Just walked around stores we usually dont visit, we oogled at the choclates we cant eat, stopped at Starbucks, headed to food court, got my watch fixed, talked and talked and talked nonsense. Thr ironic part is retail therapy doesnt do it for me, but the frills that come along with it, spending time with friends and letting it go, does wonders to me. I was surprised she's into Gerald Butler too, omg, if he's not a cutie i dont know who is, oh wait Channing Tatum is. I'll just...well...he's a total eye candy.

She bought this cute little wa-oo-tza, type, polka dot dress for me. I just have to get the shoes to go with it. So i whipped a kick ass tasty "Khatti dal" for her. And i told her, it'll be much better than the "aye wei" khatti dal, that she makes. Too bad, priya is in india, she;s missing it all.

I do hope my fortune cookie prediction comes true. Cross your fingers.

It's one of those days if it were upto me, i'd be in a semi dark, coffee shop in NY, curl up with a book from my dad's collection, sipping my cappacino and watching the rain drip off of umbrella's and people rushing to cross the street.

Boy, i'm stirring up total nonsense on this blog. STOP IT!

What lyrics maan..

Manga jo mera hai
Jata kya tera hai
Mene kaun si
tujhse jannat manga li

Kaisa khuda hai tu
Bas naam ka hai tu

Rabba jo teri itni si bhi na chali