my diary

who, what and where...am i! Seems like everyday i present myself with a new me. i'm perplexed and wonder what more can i bring to myself. Really, why is it that i'm so aware of these situations. now that word situation, it takes me to the meeting i recently had few days before i quit.

Last...i dont know what day of the week it was, tagging along my son in the cart, i found myself picking up Oscar De La Renta's camisoles at sams club, the very next day i was buying svaroski's ear candy, and cutting a clip of cute dress from fossil's fall catalog to stick on my fridge to remind me of the shoes i have tucked in the basement. While i was in the salon with the desi gal doing my eyebrows, i flipped through pages of Lucky mag, onthis certain page it featured what the editor would like to buy for that week, and ironicaaly it featured the pencil skirt i so splurged on and wore it work and so loved the feel of it. i felt tall, i felt beautiful, i felt sexy, i felt foxy...i got all that for a 45 fucking dollars worth of a skirt. maybe i should buy more of those. but then again i find myself in the strange aisles at wholesale stores! fuck jeez i dont know who i've become. Has being a mom stripped me out of the need to look good. I've given 80% of my clothes shoes and accessories to good will.

when i'm at these so called wholesale or boutique stores, i wonder what do the other shoppers see me as, am i the bland looking gal with bad hair day, who am i to these people, am i the one with "why the hell are her pores so big", "why is she wearing sweat pants on a hot day". Do they see me as a what i put out there, do they see me by the way i speak, do they see me by the name on my credit card. i dont know if it matters to me because i dont know what i'm thought of. Not knowing doesnt bother me, it bothers me that i want to know and do something about it.