Noon walks

​….In the midst of workday…as I went on a walk with Matt…our conversations take such interesting turns…when I said something….i realized that I didn’t think about this before….honest to god i have an uncanny ability to find the most dark / intense / deep shows or moments or books. The maze they create in the world, the characters from either or and the resemblance of them- it’s like they become a part of me and i for them. 

Sometimes when thoughts become words and take shape - they hold power. 

Burleigh

​…..my mind wanders…as it’s snowing outside and the cold brew in my stained china wafts the aroma of my chai ….to a place where I had last known a version of me that I fiercely loved. 

Kal shaam

…​listening to the song on our drive and she said - i like this singer - the sight of the vast farms with the sunset, the single lanes heading towards Savonah Bistro with pink skies as blankets, dark silhouette of bare trees and white pillowy snow….we listened to this song in quietness and my heart captured the image and now it’s a moment I’ll index through. 

https://youtu.be/j7eI0es-29E?si=8qETIay9dfnCA85i

Bruce says

​…… its a hard thing realizing people aren’t who you want them to be. 

No truer words spoken but in the same token - they are not bound by your values or your ideas of them.

It still doesn’t sting less. The idea of their grandness that crumbles as the time wills past you & you are left with a vast hollowness that just doesn’t want to fill in. No matter how much you try.

Bruce can’t talk back to me but I replay those words. 

April 2017

Covid 19 3/24

This has been a pretty boring experience. I want to be able to talk and have the social aspect of my life back but with quarantine I am stuck at home. To cope with the boredom I just play Xbox and cook. I play games like over watch with my friends from New Jersey and from school. I cook things that just come to my mind and yesterday I made a video of me making hot chocolate. I learnt the actual way to make it and that was really fun. I enjoy the fact that I am at home and I get to enjoy my days more. I also finish school earlier which also gives me a chance to play outside and feel as if I have done the most I can with my day. It has been okay weather so I can play on the trampoline and basketball. I also will take a walk at the Brandywine battlefield with my mom. Because the streets are clear and so are the sidewalks I will go and skateboard around the area and just cruise. I also watched last episode of Star Wars last night 3/23. Every night my family and I watch a movie. My favorite one we have watched was National Treasure. I also sleep a lot better and that makes my day a thousand times better. So it is not the best experience but there are definitely good aspects to it.

Sent from my iPad

Kids from Neighborhood

Oct 2020

Weakness and triggers

At a turning point of my life, everything at stake, life is SO messy.

I’m learning more about myself, more about people, how am I as a parent, what are my weaknesses, fears, triggers.

The change is in me, as I read old blogs, I feel its from a different time it’s from a different person. It was so simple and happy. It was from a time, when I just went with the flow. Is that not enough now? 

When did life get so complicated? When did it all get so mishmashed? When did I lose myself.

All of last 19 years lead me here. What is here? Who do I want to become? 

(side note - Taran pulled another one by riding to his friends house on the bus) 

Parent quotes

Parenting with fear isn't parenting at all. It's tolerating a child's presence until they are old enough to mind themselves.

Weekend

Friday night- Taran’s game 8-9.30

Saturday – missed pilates :/ went riding the bike instead, took taran to bday party and we went to park

Sunday – went to bike riding with T, then after shower quick lunch went to Westtown Day in Oakbourne park. Amazing day….

💌 NC trip

Created using Pic Collage. http://pic-collage.com

💌 Here's a collage for you from PicCollage. 😀

Created using Pic Collage. http://pic-collage.com

Phila to London

After a lot of deliberation and second guessing and talking myself out of it and taking detours of other plans and asking people who it doesn't matter to - I spoke to the kids I'll be travelling with and took the plunge to ask V to book tickets to go to London with just kids for 8 days.

As the day was nearing my trip - i was second guessing, what was I thinking, what will i do if something goes wrong, I read blogs about travelling alone, i was just building blind faith, it reminded me of my days before travelling to australia, reminded me of the first day i landed there, something that had a deep impact on me. Tu hi hai woh....

I planned, planned and planned. I asked for helo from friends there, Ramana gave me awesome tips, then the day before my trip, I called the concierge at the hotel, BAM.... that sealed the deal. Why didnt I do this before all the rigmarole I went through. But again my own words rang true to me, there is a process, we all need to go through the process to come to the end point. The process is the learning phase.

He and I set up the airport pickup, planned my days while I'll be there, it was just a matter of time for me to start the trip, trust the process and execute the plan.

Day 1 through Day 8 - it was planned. I could hug and kiss myself lol for bracing myself and kids and expose them to the world outside of here.

Pre-boarding
	1/2 day school & 1/2 day work
	Leave home 4.30pm
	American airline 736 to LHR AT 7.20PM arriving in London at 7.45 am April 11th
Day 1: Thu - April 11th | PTO 1
8.30am	Pick up by hotel	Hotel phone number: 011 - 44 -20 - 783 466 55
9.30am	Check in
1.15pm	London Eye
	Houses of Parliament
	Opposite to house of parliament is Westminster Abbey
	10 downing street
	Trafalgar Square
	Hop on and off
	Dinner and sleep		Ken los
Day 2: Fri - April 12th | PTO 2
	Tower of London - 2 hours
	Tower Bridge
	Lunch
	Temple tube station
	2pm is the Harry Potter ride
	5pm they'll drop at Kings Cross station
	Ended up going back to London eye for build a bear
	Dinner and head back to hotel
Day 3: Sat - April 13th
	Ended up going to Zoo
	London natural history museum		Yes
	dinner at Quilon		Michelin restaurant
	hotel
Day 4: Sun - April 14th
	Mews
	Changing of the guard by the large statue of Queen Victoria
	Lunch
	Ended up going to Hampton Castle, did easter egg hunt and meeting friends - such a glorious day - meeting old friends
Day 5 /6/7:  Mon- April 15th Sheffiled - at Rekha's
Day 8: April 18th
10.50am	Manchester airport
	American Airline 735
	Terminal 3

Kya bataoon

Poocho tho zara haal kya hai

Poocho tho zara kya baath hai

Poocho tho zara ek baar

Someone told me today, I hide behind my smiles.... I was shocked to hear that. But really who isnt...we all are hiding behind something and we live in a space that is around us.

Beautiful stories warm my heart and water my eyes, i care for simple life and stopped caring.

I saw Gully boy last weekend, strong movie - loved it.

I changed my diet - to skip rice - replaced with oats, brown rice etc and boy is my body loving it. I have been on salads for lunch over few months now, and I thoroughly enjoy it. If anything my chronic cough is UNDER control. I can breathe now, I can actually talk without feeling like "boy, i shouldnt even have started this conversation"

Last of the teens 2019

How do you start a new year?

 

What makes something to begin ?

 

What do we bring and what do we leave behind to start the beginning?

 

Taran and I were talking about how this is last teen year - same day the yoga instructor said, be present in the time, this is only time you are as young as you are, this is the only time you are as old as you are, your body is evolving by the second. Honor the ouch :) Lol

My new year has started with a bang, basement is flooded, floors are ripped, my work laptop has crashed, my dining table will be delivered on Saturday, I took my first yoga for the year, my life is in spiraling as always. But after 10 days off the grid in the cruise, shopping, the comedy shows, the juggler, the musical shows, non-stop eating, I guess the intensity of the situation I’m in is not registering with me. The massive amount of thousands of dollars we need to spend to fix something that we just installed is something I’m unable to fathom.

 

I have to remind myself all that I’m grateful for. I shouldn’t think of why was it done in the first place, how we could have invested in other projects, maybe if I was little bit more supportive, the karma, the whole nine yards, it’s not what I should think of.

 

Remind myself what I’m grateful for.